


NO MAN'S LAND

by DeanandCas



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Western, Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2017-09-11
Packaged: 2018-12-22 04:33:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 24
Words: 37,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11959821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeanandCas/pseuds/DeanandCas
Summary: 1875. Dean and Sam Winchester own a cattle ranch in the state of Nevada. While Sam dreams of a very different life, Dean feels in his element in a land of fortune, violent men and raw passion.When he meets a misterious man whose nickname is "Preacher", Dean's destiny may change.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Terra de Ninguém](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3695867) by [DeanandCas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeanandCas/pseuds/DeanandCas). 



The light that seeped through his eyelids made his head hurt even more. He rested his hand on his face and turned in the other direction, trying to escape the light source.

A voice called him, imperative:

"Dean!"

He didn't reply, still dizzy with pain.

The voice repeated, louder:

"DEAN!"

Finally recognizing the timbre and the tone, the man half opened one eye, fearing the pang that would come when it allowed the entrance of the solar luminosity.

A hoarse groan was what he produced. He focused his semi-open eye on the familiar, bearded face that was calling to him, his hands at his waist.

"Do you think you will get up today? Your brother is here to pick you up. "

Dean realized where he was. In a cell. Old friend Bobby, sheriff of Virginia City, stared at him beyond the bars.

In a slow movement he lifted his body from the hard bed, his head throbbing. He'd had too much to drink again.

"Sam is here?"

"Yes, I sent Archie to call him on the ranch. He’s worried about you, Dean. "

"How did ... did I get here?"

"Well, first you were drunk. Then you got into a fight. Before something more serious happened, I decided to put you away. "

"Fight?" He didn’t remember that. He remembered being in the saloon, a glass of whiskey in his hand, the beautiful Cassie in his lap, in one of her tight dance outfits. A nice evening, playing cards with friends.

"I see the blow to the head was hard. I wasn’t there so you're going to have to ask your cell mate how it was when he woke up. The moment I arrived, you were both sprawled on the floor, one on top of the other... "

Dean turned his head to the other bunk, where a man in black was lying, unconscious, facing the wall. As far as I could tell, he was a stranger. How had they gotten knocked out together?

"Who is he?" He asked curiously.

"An outsider. He arrived a few weeks ago. I don’t know his real name, some call him "Preacher," but as far as I know, he's not really one. Until yesterday he hadn't been in any trouble. "

"Hmmm ..." he said, holding his head.

"Well, get up and come. Sam isn’t too happy to come and get you. "The sheriff was already opening the cell with a heavy iron key.

Dean stood, still holding his head, his gaze going one last time to the man lying down.

Bobby gave him a slap on the back that made him grind his teeth, an affectionate gesture on the part of the old friend of the family, a man of rude attitudes but who had a good heart and a great sense of justice.

"Dean ... try to stay out of trouble for a while, right? Things are going well at the ranch, stay there for a few days. "

Dean hated being treated like a boy, but he respected Bobby as he had respected his father, so he didn’t reply.

Seeing the expression of his brother sitting in the office, he closed his eyes and swallowed hard. It was going to be hard to handle.

******

Dean just wanted to lie down... No. He wanted to eat something greasy, that could help with the hangover. But as he would have to cook, he preferred to go to bed. Unfortunately Sam had other plans.

"Oh, no. Come back here. We have to talk."

"Sam, I can’t even think straight. It was really bad to hear your complaints all the way... what do we need to talk about that can’t wait for the headache to go away? "

"The business that took you to Virginia City in the first place? Before you got in trouble at the Red Dog?

"The money from the sale is in the bank. I didn’t take it to the saloon. I wasn’t born yesterday, Sam! "

"But you had some money with you, because I was told you were betting high on the poker table..."

"I just took a few dollars from my share... and I was winning." He reached into his pocket and found nothing. "I guess I lost, in the end..."

"Don’t you think you're kind of too old for these things, Dean? When are you going to start acting like an adult and take on your responsibilities? "

"Ah, of course! I forgot you can’t wait to get back to your precious school in the east, Mr. Lawyer! You can go today if you want! I'll take care of the ranch, you can leave! "

"How, Dean? You keep messing up like when you were a kid! "He said, frowning.

"Every once in a while I need to get out of here, I need to have fun, drink a little, see Cassie or one of the girls... I'm flesh and blood, Sam!"

"But you don’t have to enter dubious games anymore. Next time I'll leave you in jail until Bobby throws you out! "

"Great! So I can sleep, at least ... Stupid! "

He slammed the door, heading for the stable. Every time he thought of Sam going back to Philadelphia, his stomach would turn. Now the feeling wasn’t much better.

When he had argued with his family and left, leaving Dean alone to look after the ranch and his alcoholic father, he hadn’t hesitated. Now he seemed not to find the older brother capable, even though it was he who had practically raised him after his mother's death.

He sat up against the wall, mulling his thoughts and the hangover. Impala, his black horse, chewed calmly, enjoying the rest after the trip from the city.

It wasn’t long before Sam came looking for him.

"Dean...I’m  sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you, nor to doubt your ability to run the ranch. Damn, you know how to do it, but sometimes... "

The brother didn’t answer, his eyes still closed.

"Yes, I... I'm thinking of going back to Philadelphia... I have to finish the course. And ... Jessica wrote to me. She is still waiting for me. "

That was it, then. The girl Sam was in love with had written another letter calling him back.

"And what holds you here, Sam?"

Sam looked at him, his face softened from his former expression.

"I can’t leave you alone, Dean."

At the glare he received, he continued quickly.

"Not because of ranch management issues... You need company. Before there was our father..."

"Oh! Wonderful companion, our father! Drunk day and night, picking fights, losing our money gambling, causing accidents... Those were great days!"

"Dean, it's not like that... I... feel guilty about leaving you and Dad. But I can’t think of you here without a family, either. If I had known you had a wife I wouldn’t be so worried... "

"Wife? _Wife?_ And since when do I want to get married? Where did you get this idea?"

"I know you appreciate your freedom, but... how much longer will you wait to find company? The girls in the saloon are not enough, Dean. "

"For me they are. I go there, I pick one of them, we have a nice time and then I come back home and I don’t have to listen to any complaints or criticisms. That's enough for me. "

"That's not what I'm talking about! Don’t you feel the need for... someone to support you, a companion for the difficult times, a friend, a partner? " He didn’t even mention 'love' because his brother refused to discuss it.

"Sam... this conversation is making me tired. I know you want to go back to school. I understand. Really. It's your dream. And there's Jessica... Go, buy the ticket. I promise to behave from now on. Go."

"Dean..."

"I'm telling you. Leave. Don’t worry. I'm going to find someone to help me with your chores and you can leave. Whenever you want. I'm mature enough to do what it takes. "

Sam kept his gaze for a few more minutes and lowered his head, nodding. He turned and left Dean again in the company of the horses.

Dean took a deep breath and stood up. He passed his hand over Impala's neck in an affectionate gesture and remembered his mother. She would want Sam to study, marry the girl he loved and be happy. Would she also want Dean to have a family? Probably, but that wasn’t for him. The idea seemed unnatural to him... Why take a single woman when there were so many?

He thought of Cassie... She was beautiful and he had affection for her. But she wasn’t a woman to marry, of course. She was a saloon dancer, after all.

On the other hand, he felt lonely. Sam had touched a painful spot. He hated the idea of living alone in their house.


	2. Chapter 2

The men at the ranch used to go to bed early, as the workday began at dawn.

Dean, however, was sleepless. Sam had gone to bed, but he was still in the sitting room reading a book by a lamp. The story of the man in the saloon didn't leave his mind, making him sometimes distracted from reading.

It was past eleven when he heard Colonel barking in the distance. Accustomed to the nocturnal sounds, Sam's dog rarely barked during the night. Something out of the ordinary was happening.

Dean got up and walked to the window. He could see nothing, the barks coming from beyond the bend of the barn. Taking the holster and buckling it around his waist, he opened the front door, ready to discover the source of the disturbance.

He could now hear horse trotting and the sounds of the dog coming much closer. He put off the lamp and waited at the front door in silence.

A few moments later, around the barn, two horses appeared and the dog barked incessantly.

Dean discerned the figure of a woman on one of them. The other rider was a man. Who could it be at that hour?

Still, he waited. The horses stopped and the man dismounted. Colonel, instead of investing against the stranger came to take refuge between Dean's legs, who at great cost suppressed a curse word. "Useless dog," he thought.

The man's silhouette approached the other horse and helped the woman down, her voluminous skirt moving in the darkness.

Dean could hear when the woman thanked him for the help and he immediately recognized the voice:

"Cassie?" He said, approaching the couple.

"Dean!" She replied, walking toward him and hugging him. The man stayed behind with the animals.

"What are you doing here at this hour? Something happened?"

"We need help ... Mr. Novak and I needed to run away..."

"Mr. Novak? James Novak? What are you doing here? "

Before Cassie could articulate any response, Novak approached, answering the question,

"Good evening, Mr. Winchester. I'm sorry to bother you so late, but I'm afraid we need your help. Alastair is looking for us. I don't usually shy away from this kind of confrontation, but I feared for her integrity. "

Dean started to walk toward the house, still hugging the young woman who looked rather frightened.

"Follow me, Mr. Novak, it's very cold out here."

He opened the door and made the unexpected visitors come in. He lit the lantern again and asked, after making the girl sit on a chair:

"What happened, Cassie? What did that accursed Alastair want with you? "And he cast a suspicious glance toward the man in black, who held his hat in his hands.

"Last night Jim told me what Alastair had done, stealing your money. He thought he could get it back for you and asked for my help. "

"I don't understand why you felt the need to get my money back, Mr. Novak. Even less so if he needed the help of a woman. "

Before Novak could respond, Sam appeared at the door, wrapped in a blanket.

"Dean, what ... Cassie?"

"Hello, Sam, I'm sorry to be bothering you at this time, but Jim said ..."

Sam was already reaching out to him with an outstretched hand.

"Good evening, Jim," the man replied with a nod. He seemed intimidated by Dean's defiant attitude.

"They're trying to explain to me what happened ... Alastair seems to be after Cassie ..."

Novak, seeming to have found his voice, finally spoke, in a tone so serious that it surprised Dean:

"I asked for the help of Ms. Robinson, because I feared that the fact of the night he got hold of his earnings, Mr. Winchester, would be repeated. It was like a smokescreen so I could leave the table quietly. "

"What did you do?" Dean asked, frowning.

"I just ... I approached the table and introduced a new player... Crowley. Alastair hates him and for a moment he got distracted... "

"... allowing me to leave unnoticed," James completed.

"Crowley? 'King of Hell' Crowley? That son of a... " Said citizen owned one of the brothels of the city and was known by the pejorative nickname because of the dubious nature of his business. Prostitution was not his only branch of 'work'.

"That's the plan we could come up with... He came a little earlier and was eager to get into Alastair's table. We just helped him get there... "Novak said, turning to Sam this time, who seemed more reasonable.

"And now he's after you ..." grunted Dean. Turning to the man next to Sam, he said disapprovingly, "What kind of man are you involving a girl in your risky business?"

"Dean ... he's got your money back. You should thank him ... "said Sam, embarrassed by Dean's belligerent attitude.

"No, Sam, I agree with your brother. I'm sorry to have involved you, Miss. Robinson. But let's remain calm, I will try to solve this problem as soon as possible."

"Well, it's a little late for that. Sam, take Mr. Novak to the men's lodge, there's room for him to sleep there. I'm going to take Cassie upstairs, she needs her sleep. "

Cassie Robinson turned and smiled faintly at the man who had been admonished by Dean. Sam was already taking another lamp and wrapping himself more in the blanket, preparing to face the cold outside.

Novak's eyes followed the couple up the stairs before they turned in Sam's direction. He seemed genuinely sorry.

"I'm sorry I caused this inconvenience, Sam. My intentions have been good, but as I have often realized in life, this doesn't guarantee that people won't be hurt. "

"We know you did what you thought was right, Jim. Dean is worried about Cassie, he knows there was no bad intention on your part. Tomorrow he will see that. "

They went out into the night, closing the door behind them.

*****

Dean let Cassie asleep in his bed and went to sleep in Sam's room. Despite his 'relationship' with the girl, it did not seem right to share the bed with her on that occasion. He was not sure why, but he couldn't do it.

He stepped into the dark and laid on the bed that had been his as a child. Sam didn't say anything when he entered, but when he realized that he couldn't sleep, he said,

"Is she fine?"

"Scared, but she fell asleep. Tomorrow we have to think about what to do. She can't stay here forever. "

"Novak said he will solve the problem..."

"Novak, Novak ... I don't like this guy, Sam."

"Give him the benefit of the doubt, Dean. He has good intentions. "

"I know. And see where that got him. And Cassie ... "

"Stop with your bad mood and let's go to sleep."

Dean turned to the wall, Jim Novak's face fixed on his thoughts. He would find out more about that man who had insinuated himself into their lives so easily.

*****

When Dean woke up, the sun was already high. It had taken him a long time to fall asleep and Sam got up and left him sleeping.

He got dressed and went downstairs, smelling fresh coffee. As he entered the kitchen, he found Cassie serving the meal to Novak.

"Good morning, Dean," the young woman said, a little embarrassed. "Sam told me you usually cooks, but he also said that it took you too long to get asleep last night ... I hope you don't get upset that I made breakfast..."

With a sour expression the owner of the house approached the stove and poured himself a mug of steaming coffee. He refused to speak to Novak. What were he doing in Dean's kitchen?

"Let me serve you, Dean, sit ..."

"Cassie ... you don't have to do that. You are a guest here. "

"But I want to. I like to cook and I've been told I do it well. Let me serve you, please. "

Dean sat up, not looking into the face of the man who offended him with his presence.

Realizing his attitude, Jim rose, thanked Cassie for the meal, apologized and retired quickly.

When Cassie set the plate in front of Dean, he took her hand gently and made her sit down beside him.

"Thank you. That smells great, "he said, smiling. "But I don't want you to feel obligated to do anything while you're here. You don't owe me anything, do you understand? You are here as my friend."

The woman lowered her head, a few curls of black hair falling over her face.

"Hey, don't cry... If I said something to..."

"No, Dean, you didn't say anything inappropriate. I don't deserve this kind of consideration. I'm a saloon dancer. I shouldn't be here" she said, trying to stand up.

"Cassie ... You are my friend. It doesn't matter if you work there, OK? "

"There was a time when I ... was respectable. I was poor, but I could face people with my head held high. Now I... Sorry, Dean... That Cassandra doesn't exist anymore. Now... I am what I am. My place is not here. What would your father say if he were here? "

Dean was silent for a moment before wrapping Cassie's shoulders in a comforting embrace.

"For me, none of that matters. I know you are a good person and you have many qualities. Let me take care of you. Stay as long as you want, as much as you need. Think of me and Sam as family. You can trust us. "

As tears streamed down the pretty woman's face, Dean comforted her, thinking about the circumstances that had brought her there. He could imagine Cassie as a married woman, a loving mother, living on a farm, as happy as one could be. And here she was, bitter, despised, running from an unscrupulous man.

He closed his eyes, thinking he might be the lucky man to have her as his wife.

But that was out of the question.

Dean Winchester would never get married. He would never be able to make anyone happy.


	3. Chapter 3

The next day Sam started arranging things to get back to Philadelphia. He was responsible for the ranch's accounting and kept the records always in order.

After his return, when his father had died, he had taken over the job and organized everything . Dean had tried to record the expenses and earnings, but in face of so many assignments and caring for their father, he had obviously left the books in a chaotic state.

Although the situation was better at the moment, he feared leaving everything to his brother again. Dean was a man of action, always ready to take charge of the situation, but even if he was smart enough, he didn't have the patience for those bureaucratic tasks. They needed someone to take care of the financial aspect of the ranch, especially now that business was booming.

The demand for meat after the discovery of gold and silver in the region in the previous decades had increased greatly. It still remained relatively stable and they had a good size herd now that the father was no longer present to lose the profits of months in a single night. This had happened so many times that the brothers lived modestly, saving their income . So now, three years after his father's death, they had paid off all the debts and could afford to hire more employees. For a long time they had worked with only a few ranch hands, mostly family friends. They hired extra men when needed.

Dean left early after breakfast to fix some fences on the northern edge of the property. Sam knew he wouldn't be back until the end of the day. There were many tasks and Dean  worked with dedication. Sam understood why he needed distraction from time to time, but he wondered if his brother would ever finally settle down.

After registering the last sale, that Dean had closed the previous day in Virginia City, he left for town. He needed to send some telegrams now that he had decided to go back and finish law school. He planned also to propose marriage to Jessica, but that wasn't an immediate concern.

The road to Virginia City ran through woods and occasional pastures. The city itself was in a rocky, rugged region and if it had not been for the Comstock lode in the late 1850s, there would probably be no city there. It was a prosperous settlement, where stately mansions were build and commerce expanded. Obviously there was a share of malicious individuals, and things were currently being kept on the line by Sheriff Singer.

Bobby Singer was an old friend of the family. He had come to the area before John Winchester, and had helped him when he had settled down at the ranch with his wife Mary, whom he had persuaded to build a life away from his home state of Kansas. When the boys were born, Bobby had treated them like the children he had never had, since he had lost his wife at very young age. Bobby was the uncle they didn't have for blood.

Sam dismounted in front of the police office. He needed to thank Bobby again for taking care of Dean the night of the fight. Deaths from gambling were very common, and knowing that the old sheriff had taken him off the scene before something more serious happened was comforting.

He entered the office and found the law man dozing in his chair, his feet resting on the desk, which, as always, was covered in books and newspapers.

He sat down at the front of the table and waited, picking up the daily paper to read. When the sheriff finally awoke, Sam was privy to all the local news.

"Hello, Sam. I think I've been dozing for a while ... How's Dean? "

"He's alright, Bobby. The usual bad mood. I wanted to thank you again for taking care of him the other night. "

"He's a tough one, isn't he? If he really needs to play cards, why can't he choose wisely? Alastair is a crook... "

"Alastair? Was Deam playing poker with him? Dean should know better... "He shook his head in disbelief.

"Alastair wants to treat Dean the way he treated your father," grunted the old sheriff.

"Dean is not my father, but he's as stubborn..." he said. "And now that I'm going back East, I can't stop worrying about him."

"So you decided to go back then. Good. And you're still thinking about marrying that girl? "

"I'll have my degree first. Then ... if Jessica accepts my proposal... "

"Of course she will say yes! Isn't she waiting for you all these years? "

"I hope so. She's ... so special. I wish you knew her. "

"Yes, yes ... we'll meet her, I'm sure," said Bobby with one of his rare smiles.

Sam shook his head and blushed slightly at the thought of the woman he loved and who was so far away.

He got up and said goodbye to his friend. He had several business to deal with before returning to the ranch.

After sending the telegrams, going to the bank and ordering some supplies at the local store, he went the Red Dog Saloon for lunch.

As always, the atmosphere was quite hectic. He found a table in a corner and sat down, waiting for his meal. He looked out the window and watched the movement that early autumn day, lost in thought.

He was awakened from his reverie by a light touch on his shoulder.

He looked at a stranger. The man was tall and thin, his dark hair disheveled, framing a face where a pair of blue eyes stood out. In a deep voice, he addressed Sam:

"Mr. Winchester? "

"Yes, I am Sam Winchester," he said, holding out his hand. "How can I help you?"

"My name is Jim Novak. I'm new to town. I have something that belongs to your brother ... "

"My brother? Do you know Dean, then? "

"Well ... I can't say that I've been properly introduced..." and he stopped, reticent.

"Would you like to join me, Mr. Novak?"

"Thank you. What happened was ... Your brother Dean was here the other night, playing poker. He's ... a little loud, isn't he? "

Sam put his hand on his forehead, nodding slightly.

"I had the chance to meet Alastair on a poker table and that, although I lived here for only a few weeks, I realized, it's the right recipe for trouble. Your brother was winning a small fortune, and Alastair didn't like that at all. But with a girl on his lap and a drink in his hand, your brother continued to boast, not realizing the problem he was getting in. "

 Sam stared at the man, waiting for him to finish his story.

"When your brother was distracted, kissing the woman, Alastair drew the gun. I don't think Dean even noticed the gravity of the moment. I was nearby, and by reflex, I interposed between the two. Alastair's henchmen didn't like it very much and so the fight started. They knocked out your brother, and I saw when they collected all the winnings from the table. "

"Alastair has a serious problem with regard to losing. He doesn't know how to do it gracefully, "said Sam, who had learned this many years before when his father had been skinned many times over by him.

"I was also overthrown and we ended up in jail, while the malefactors got away. They told me that when the sheriff arrived, they were already gone."

None of this surprised Sam. What came next, on the other hand, did.

The man opened his coat and from its inner pocket he removed a wad of crumpled notes. He set it in front of Sam, on the table.

"Here's the money they stole from your brother, Mr. Winchester."

Stunned, Sam didn't know what to say.

"But how...?"

"Alastair returned to gamble last night and I recovered  the approximate amount they stole from your brother. But I was alert and I was able to get away with the winnings. Alastair is not very pleased with me. "

"Mr. Novak ... I don't know what to say ... This money belongs to you, not to Dean. I can't accept it."

"It's his, Mr. Winchester. I don't like to see people take advantage of others. Please accept it with my regards. "

"Thank you, then. If there's anything I can do for you, please let me know, Mr. Novak. I feel we are in debt to you. "

"It is not necessary, Mr. Winchester. I am glad to know that that ... well ... Alastair didn't win. I can't bear this kind of people. If I may ... " he said, standing up.

"Have you had lunch, Mr. Novak? If not, at least let me buy you lunch. "

After a moment's hesitation, James smiled discreetly and sat down again.

*****

Sam found his brother in the kitchen, making supper. It was an activity he had taken up from a very young age.

"Hey, Dean! Look what I brought ... " He said, the money James Novak had given him at lunchtime in one hand.

The freckled man turned and frowned.

"What money is that? Have you been gambling? "

"No, other person have... and won back the money that was stolen that night in the saloon."

"Other person? Who?"

"James Novak. He came to me today and told me what happened the other night. Alastair and his minions stole your winnings. "

"Who is this Novak? I never heard of him. Why did he send me the money? I don't understand..."

"He said he saw when Alastair pulled a gun at you. His men knockout you and him. "

"Um ... He must be the man in the cell. But why did he send me the money? It doesn't make any sense."

"He won your money from Alastair last night and got away with it. He said it wasn't fair that he stole it from you, so he wanted to give it back. "

"I don't believe it. Who is this guy? "

"As far as I know, he's new in town. He is a reserved man, polite and quite cultured. He's working on the paper, but he told me it's temporary. "

"Temporary ... he probably doesn't want to stay here for long. I don't know, Sam... I don't like any of this. "

"Well, maybe if you talked to him, you could understand. I really think you should go and thank him personally, since he took risks to get your money back. And he doesn't want anything in return, to be honest. "

Dean turned and began to stir the bubbling pot. That made him suspicious. He had never seen anyone do anything if not gaining something in return. What would be this stranger's interest? Maybe Dean should really go look for him ... He would do that. He needed to find out more about that "good Samaritan."


	4. Chapter 4

The day began a little late, so Dean had to struggle to finish all his chores. Cassie and he had agreed that she would cook while she was there, even though he didn't think it necessary. But the young woman had her pride and didn't accept Dean's refusal.

As he left for the stable, he noticed Novak leaving on his horse. Sam was out of the house as well and Dean asked where the other man was going.

"He works at the newspaper, so he needs to explain the situation. There was no time last night. "

"Um ... I'm guessing he won't come back here ..."

"He said he'll be back in the afternoon to discuss the whole Cassie issue. From what he told me, the story is more complicated than it seems. "

"He put her in this situation ... Now he talks about solving the problem..."

"Dean, you don't know him. Why are you so bitter about him? He just tried to help and you ... "

"I didn't ask for his help! I fight my own battles. "

"We all know that. But he's new here and maybe he just wanted to make friends. "

"Whatever ... I'm going to work" he said, walking toward the stable.

Sam followed him with his eyes and sighed.

*****

When Dean returned home in the late afternoon, he found his brother and Novak sitting at the living room desk, talking in low voices. He could also smell the delicious scent coming from the kitchen. That was one of the perks of having someone cook for them, he thought, not without a twinge of guilt.

He ignored the two men and went to the adjoining room, where he found Cassie with his hands covered with flour, rolling the dough softly over the worn wooden table.

She smiled and greeted him.

"Hello, Dean. Apple or peach? "

"Pie? Hmmm ... "It was the lively response, followed by the phrase:" Apple is much better. "

"That's what I thought." He laughed softly.

Dean felt good to know that she was calmer and more comfortable in his home, but the annoyance of not being sure how to behave with her there, because of what they shared before, made him feel awkward. He decided to keep apart, not touching  or getting too close. She didn't show any kind of reaction. She might also feel uncomfortable.

"Dinner is almost ready. You should go wash up, Dean. "

Well, that was one of the reasons she'd never thought of getting married. It was what he told himself when he tried to explain what he felt deep in his chest and couldn't find the right words.

"Okay, right ... Should I tell Sam and James?"

"They already know ... I warned them before you got here."

At least he was not the only one. All the men in the house were subject to the same rules. _Women..._

When he returned to the living room, he noticed that the two men had their faces washed, their hair moist. He laughed at Cassie's power over them just to offer them a decent meal.

"Dean, will not you wash? Cassie ... "

"Yes, yes, I've been reminded of good manners. I'm going now. What are you talking about? "

"You'll know after dinner. Let's talk the four of us then. "

Climbing up the stairs, Dean grunted. He hated to be told what to do in his own house.

*****

After tasting the pie, Dean's mood softened a little. He was even willing to listen to what Novak had to say.

They sat around the living room table and Sam asked Jim to begin explaining the situation to its full extent.

"Well, the money issue in the game was just the last straw. The thing between Alastair and me is much more serious. Despite my short stay in town, writing a few articles about spreading crime has not put me on the list of the man's favorite citizens. The fact that I have overtly described the actions of his minions in the saloon and elsewhere in the city on several occasions in yesterday's edition didn't help much either. "

"Wait ... the problem then wasn't just the game ... You had been putting yourself in a delicate situation before that. And yet ... you decided to get my money back. You should have kept your head down, buddy. Alastair is not a man you want to fiddle with ... "

"From what I've seen firsthand, you don't do it yourself, Mr. Winchester. You challenged him for a game. "

"Call me Dean. Mr. Winchester was my father. And it is because of him that I can't forgive Alastair. He always knew how to exploit my old man's weaknesses."

"I see ... Dean. Sam told me your story. I know everything. But I'm not worried about myself. Ms. Robinson is my immediate concern. "

The young woman stared at the blue-eyed man, nodding slightly.

"Don't put the load on your shoulders, Jim. I have long tried to distance myself from him, but Alastair is getting closer and closer. "

"Alastair has been harassing you, Cassie? Why didn't you tell me? "Dean asked, frowning.

"You and him ... it's already difficult as it is. There was no need to add fuel to the fire. I always managed to get out ... unscathed. But Lilith began to threaten me if I didn't give in to his advances. "Lilith was the 'madam,' responsible for the saloon women, dancers, and prostitutes. Although Cassie didn't fit the last category, Lilith insisted that she accept the offers of the well-known female abuser. Several of them had been assaulted by him and his men during their hotel parties above the Red Dog Saloon.

Dean was furious. That man deserved to be arrested. But his cash donations (dirty, to say the least) to the city made him both feared and admired, so the mayor had warned men of the law that they ought to look the other way most of the time. Bobby Singer wasn't pleased at all with the idea.

Dean didn't have the words to express what he felt, so he stood up and strode across the room.

Sam looked from Cassie to Jim in exasperation.

"So, Jim, what are your plans?"

"I was in town today and sent some telegrams. My family is originally from Boston and I have many acquaintances there. I'm waiting for a response to my request for help. There are families who could welcome Ms. Robinson and help her settle down in another... line of work. "

A look was cast in Dean's direction, but he continued silent.

"Is that what you want, Cassie?" Sam asked softly.

"Jim told me that... if I want to... go to school... to start over, there are people who can help me. I'm willing to try. "

Dean stopped walking and stepped behind the chair where Cassie was sitting in a supportive position. Finally he managed to speak:

"If that's what you want... we will help you get there." Turning to Novak, he continued, "What can we do?"

"I have some money and as I was fired from the newspaper, I also have time. I think I could accompany Ms. Robinson to San Francisco, from where she could take the train to the east. "

"It's best if she doesn't take the coach from Virginia City. Alastair could make some trouble "Sam added.

"Um." That was the answer they got from Dean. Cassie was looking at him, apprehensively.

"What do you think, Dean?"

"I think Cassie needs more protection than you can provide, Mr. Novak. No offense."

"None taken. What do you have in mind? "

"I think Sam will be leaving in a few days to the East. He could go first to San Francisco and buy the tickets, wait for her there and accompany her to Boston before going to Philadelphia. Do you agree? "

Sam nodded.

"And _I'll_ take Cassie to San Francisco." Dean concluded.

"Now I have to disagree, Dean. I won't let go of it. I feel partly responsible for what happened. You won't be able to keep me from this purpose. "

"Two is better than one, Dean. Jim's right, "Sam quickly added.

The older brother didn't look very pleased, but watching the worry in Cassie's dark eyes he couldn't help it but nod, accepting the arrangement.

*****

After the meeting, Sam declared himself tired and retired. Novak also stammered some excuse and left. They both realized that Dean and Cassie had a lot to talk.

Dean felt suddenly uncomfortable. He felt affection for the young woman, but he had never bothered to know if she had any problems or if she deamed of doing something more in her life than dancing in a saloon for rude miners. He realized that he didn't really know her.

Cassie pretended not to notice the embarrassment and beckoned Dean to sit next to her on the old red velvet-clad sofa his mother brought from her parents' house in Kansas.

He walked uncertainly to her and sat down, rigid, not touching her.

"What is it, Dean? You seem afraid to come close... "

"Cassie ... I ..." he began and stopped. Looking at her expectant face, he cleared his throat and continued, somewhat awkwardly, "I never knew anything about you. I never asked anything... I hope you can forgive me for... "

"Don't talk like that," she interrupted, putting her hand over his. "Your closeness has always been important to me, Dean. I always knew that ... I didn't deserve your attention. "At the look of the  man's outraged and embarrassed face, she continued with a sad smile:" When I had to start in this... _profession_ ... I knew what it was ... I knew what people would think of me. And when you came... you treated me with respect and kindness... It was enough for me. "

"I feel that I abused your trust."    

"Don't think like that. I always thought of you as a friend and the conversation we had today proved that this is true. I'm honored to know that you and your brother want to help me. "

Dean lowered his head and a small smile came to his lips.

"So ... you want to go back to school? Tell me more."

"Jim told me I can ..." she stopped, unsure. When she felt the soft grip of Dean's on her hand, she continued, "I've always dreamed... I wanted to be a teacher. Don't laugh!"

"I'm not laughing. I think you could be an excellent teacher! "And it was true. He knew her patience and her firmness when necessary.

"And a man in the east will be very happy when you marry him, Cassie. I know."

It was Cassie's turn to look down.

"No, no ... An honorable man will see the spectacular woman you are. A man who is not a coward like me. "

Cassie looked at him sadly, realizing once more the self-reproach that tormented him. I knew he had a low concept of himself.

"Dean, look at me. You are a good man. You had the strength to raise your brother and keep the farm when... there were so many problems. Never think that you have no value or that... you aren't worthy of being loved. You are. And someday the right woman will come, and if you let her in, she will make you as happy as you deserve. "

Dean felt his throat tighten. That was a dangerous path. He never would have ventured there on his own accord, but the girl guided him by the hand, making him face his deepest fears.

"Yes, Dean. I know you will be happy. But you have to learn to let others come in and really know you. "

"Cassie, I..." He wanted to say something, tell her what disturbed him day and night, but he couldn't. He could never do it.

"Shhh... Don't say anything. Let's go to bed. Would you want me to..."

He looked at her, startled. He stood up, letting go of her hand, realizing the implications of the girl's almost proposal.

"Please, don't feel... offended, but... I don't think it's right. You're about to start a new life and it's not... It wouldn't be fair. "

"If this is how you see it, Dean, that's fine."

They climbed the stairs together and separated on the landing, the young woman leaving a soft kiss on his lips. A thank you and at the same time a farewell.

Dean entered the room where his brother slept soundly and sat on the bed staring into space for a long time.


	5. Chapter 5

Preparations for the trip were made in short time, as they feared that Alastair would discover Cassie's whereabouts. If he wasn't already suspicious and was ready to investigate the region.

Sam accelerated his departure, preparing his luggage and trying to leave all his personal affairs up to date. He divided his day-to-day assignments with the staff and separated all the accounting material from the ranch, thinking of explaining to Dean again how he should keep the books. Dean was smart enough for the task, but he was always tired at the end of the day.

It was a hard life they led there. Jim Novak was still staying at the cowboy's lodge, but Sam made sure he came to have their evening meal with them. He was an affable man of broad culture, and Sam liked to talk to him. Dean spent most of the time looking away from their discussions, feeling a bit out of place. He was unable to keep up with what was being discussed, even though he had his own opinions.

He sat next to Cassie, who used to read or sew. The conversation was easy and he could finally get to know her better. She was kind and intelligent, idealistic and dreamy. Dean had only glimpsed some of these characteristics and now he could appreciate them more deeply. He was sorry he hadn't done this before. He was going to miss her when she left, not for the motives one could initially imagine.

At times she urged him to go and talk to the other two men, when she surprised him listening intently to their debates, his eyes fixed on the heated faces. He said he didn't like that kind of discussion, flattering her, saying that he preferred her company. She smiled and followed Dean's gaze in the other direction for a while.

On the morning of the third day after setting the plan of action, Sam was gone. He'd wait for Cassie within a week in San Francisco. Dean tried to divert attention from the fact by devoting himself to the hardest work. He accompanied the cowboys into the field, and no task seemed too heavy. He would do everything he could to avoid thinking about how much he missed his brother.

He also had preparations to make and passed on most of his chores to the man who, more than an employee, was his friend. Benny Lafite had been Dean's companion in the life of the farm from a very young age and he would trust him to take care of the ranch while he was away. He didn't like going away for so many days, but it was necessary and he trusted the stocky, soft-spoken cowboy to keep things in order.

At night, after dinner, Sam's absence was noted distinctly. Novak wasn't there, since Sam was the one who always invited him to join them. Cassie patched a pair of Dean's socks by the lamp and watched his friend sitting at his desk, scratching his head as he studied the ranch books.

"Dean, do you mind if we call Jim to sit with us? I need to ask him a few things about the trip..."

To Dean the idea was not the best one, but if Cassie wanted him there, he might be civilized enough to stand the other man's presence.

She left and then returned with him, realizing the depressed mood caused by the void left by the younger Winchester, then settled in close to the girl and with her entered into a discreet conversation.

Dean tried to concentrate on what he was doing, but he couldn't help but hear what Jim Novak told her about Boston and what she could expect.

The conversation drifted to more personal matters and she asked about his past. He had had a life very different from Dean's. He told Cassie that he belonged to a very religious family and that for most of his life he had intended to be a preacher, like his father.

When she asked what had made him to change his mind, he said that other possibilities presented themselves, altering his convictions. He also reported that he had fought in the civil war, but he didn't go into details , thus turning the conversation focus on her life.

Cassie had been raised on a farm in the state of Louisiana and by the time the abolition came, ten years earlier, the family had decided to try their luck in the west. She soon found herself alone and helpless, her parents falling victims of the harsh conditions of the journey and her older brothers scattered along the trail. Arriving by her own means to Virginia City, she had tried various occupations, but ended working at the saloon.

Dean listened quietly. He couldn't help but admire the strong woman he had the honor of knowing, even if the circumstances that had led them to deepen their friendship were so negative. Jim turned toward Dean, finally thanking the invitation and preparing to leave.

Dean just nodded and replied monosyllabically, still trying to concentrate on the unpleasant task his brother had given him.

As Jim passed behind him on his way to the door, he couldn't help noticing what the master of the house was doing.

"Accounting ... Dull job, isn't it?" He asked, conversationally, since he had barely spoken to the host that evening.

"I don't know how Sam like it... I'm always so tired that the numbers seem to shuffle in front of me..." he mumbled.

"If you need help, don't hesitate to ask, Dean. I've had a lot of free time since the 'Daily Territorial' dismissed my services. Speaking of which, if you need something you should ask me. I would like to help and thank you for my stay here... "

Dean thought of a grumpy response because, after all, who was he to offer to help with accounting as if Dean couldn't do it? But because of Cassie's presence, he restrained himself and offered an little less aggressive answer:

"No, I don't need help with the books, thank you. But I'm sure Benny and I could count on your help if you know how to brand cattle... "

"Branding cattle? No, I've never had a chance to learn... Actually, I've never seen it done. I would like to accompany you, if I may. "

The shot had backfired and Dean could only swallow his pride and thank Novak's offer. At Cassie's amused gaze, they agreed to leave early the next morning.

Dean, going to bed in the room that was now his alone, couldn't help but feel like an idiot for suggesting that. Now he was going to have to put up with him for the whole day.

*****

Jim showed to be strong and determined as he joined the cowboys in the hard work of branding cattle. Dean couldn’t help but be surprised that the man from the East, raised in a city, had done so well, despite his inexperience. Reluctantly, he had to admit that Novak had several qualities, among them persistence and courage.

*****

On the scheduled day, they left for San Francisco. Sam had already sent them a telegram, saying all was prepared for their arrival. Cassie's luggage, however small, had been placed on the back of a wagon. Dean had been worried about the conditions in which the young woman would travel, and had done his best to make her comfortable, even though he knew she must have been through less-favorable days. But he thought it was the least he could do, feeling guilty to some extent that she had to leave. Dean knew, however, that the possibilities for her would be much better in Boston.                 

Dean had already saddled Impala and was waiting for Novak, who had gone to the stable to get his own mount. His horse had a strange name, Balthazar, but that didn’t surprise Dean. It was a beautiful but capricious animal that only obeyed to the owner.                 

They began the journey of a few days on a beautiful morning in mid-September. The air announced the arrival of fall and Dean closed the jacket up to his neck. He wondered how Novak would weather the cold winds in those fancy clothes.

Cassie, wrapped in a crochet shawl, rode in the wagon. The trail was sometimes arduous, but the spirit of the travelers remained high, knowing that the journey had a positive goal.

They stopped to sleep and eat for four nights in a row, when exhaustion no longer allowed them to go on.                 

Cassie and Dean took turns cooking, while Jim took care of the horses. They developed an easy routine, since Dean had decided to be kind to the other man in the presence of the woman. He didn’t want her to say goodbye to him thinking he wasn’t able to relate well to people. She had told him to let the others get close to him, and even if Novak was not a particularly interesting person, he would make an effort.

Little by little, however, he began to notice in him all that had captivated the young woman and his brother. He was a reserved person, but he knew how to hear when somebody spoke. He was an educated man, but he didn’t make others feel inferior, treating everyone with equality, listening to their opinions with generosity. He never lost his temper and always looked good-humored. Well, that quality was a little annoying to Dean, who easily lost his temper and reacted sharply when he felt upset.

He also noticed that Novak was extremely respectful of Cassie, never making any improper approach. She, for her part, seemed grateful and openly expressed her appreciation for the treatment. She shouldn't have gotten treatment like that in her life, not even from Dean, he had to admit it. A pretty girl like her should have been often easy prey for evil men.

The last night they spent together, as Cassie was preparing their meal, she walked over to Dean and sat down beside him. Novak was not in sight. She took his hand and with a smile, she began to speak.

Cassie thanked him for everything he had done for her and reiterated his vows that Dean might find someone in his life to be his mate and make him happy. He, embarrassed as always, tried to focus the talk on the promising life she had ahead. Now that the time had come for them to go separate ways, he realized that he would miss her greatly. And Sam. And that he was, really, very lonely.                 

Then she changed the tone of the conversation:                 

"Dean, before we parted, I need to ask you for a favor."                 

"Whatever, Cassie. Ask and I'll see what I can do. "                 

"I've been so worried about Jim. He doesn’t have a job anymore and probably will have to leave Virginia City, since the trouble with Alastair..."                 

"Don’t  worry, he's a grown man and as far as I can tell, he's used to change. He talked about so many places where he lived, I don’t think it will be difficult for him to start over someplace else... "

"He's a good person, Dean, don’t you think he should be able to live wherever he wants? He told me that he enjoyed life in Virginia City and that he wanted to settle there. Don’t you think it's a shame that he has to leave when he started making friends? "                 

Dean didn’t think so, he didn’t care what happened to Novak. But out of respect for Cassie, he kept listening.                 

"I know you don’t like him very much, but... He needs a helping hand. What I'm going to ask you is a delicate matter, I know, but I’d like you to think about it at least. As a personal favor to me... "                 

Dean frowned and sat quietly, listening:                 

"Think about offering him a job. Anything... You admitted that he is hardworking and learns fast. "

As Dean’s mouth opened to protest, she continued:

"No, don’t deny it. Benny told me how he impressed you the other day. Just for a while, so he can think of what to do next. I feel he needs something... a place to rest for a while as he prepares to go forward. "

Dean wanted to contradict the young woman, but in view of everything that had happened, he couldn’t. He finally agreed to think about it. Cassie looked exultant and hugged him tightly:                 

"Thank you, Dean! I know you won’t regret it! "

As they parted they noticed that Novak had approached and, thinking that he was interrupting a particular moment, turned quickly to return to the place from which he had come. Cassie, however, got up and, taking his hand, made him sit down beside Dean as he finished their cooking.                 

The two men looked at each other in surprise as they listened to the beautiful young woman chattering while she worked.


	6. Chapter 6

Sam was waiting for them at the appointed place. They would spend a night at a hotel near the train station so that Cassie could rest before the long trip across the country.

Dean hugged his brother, wondering when he would do it again, after he left for the east. Something told him that Jessica would have him settle in Philadelphia as soon as he graduated from Law school. The fact that her father was an influential lawyer only reinforced this conviction, even though Sam had often told Dean he had not such plans. But love had a way of convincing people of changing plans... Dean knew there wasn’t much chance of Sam going back to living on the ranch.

He took advantage of the time they had to rest a while too, knowing that the return trip would be long and there would be Cassie's pleasant company to make things lighter. The prospect of having only Novak as a travel companion was discouraging.

They had dinner in a restaurant nearby and decided to go to bed early. The train would leave in the middle of the morning.

In the hotel room, Sam and Dean settled for the night, but sleep didn’t come. Dean had so much to say to his brother, but he knew he couldn’t get anything out of his chest. He feared to hurt him and make him feel guilty for leaving, so he decided to talk about the subject that bothered him at the moment: the promise he'd made to Cassie.

"Did she ask you to give Jim a job? And you... agreed?"

"Yes, I didn’t know how to deny it to her. Now, honestly, I don’t know what to do...”

"Well, I think... It might be good."

"How can this be good? I don’t like this guy!”

"Really, Dean? Don’t you see any quality in him? Is there nothing to redeem him in your eyes?”

"Oh, Sam, I don’t know! What I didn’t want a stranger working on the ranch... What kind of work will I offer to a city man like him?”

"He... could take over the administration, leaving you with more free time to do what you like.”

"Do you trust him that much? How do you know he's not a scoundrel?"

"I've been doing some research here. He has lived in San Francisco. He was a respected man."

"And he doesn’t settle anywhere. You don’t find it a little strange?"

"I don’t think so... a lot of people don’t take root until they find the right place..."

Dean didn’t want to think about the implications of the last sentence, as far as his brother was concerned.

"Right then. I'll give him a chance, if he wants to. We're assuming he wants to bury himself on a ranch after he had known the whole country...”

“You never know. Maybe it's the right place for him. I'm glad you've decided to accept the idea. Well, let's go to sleep because I have a long trip ahead. Good night, Dean.”

“Night," he said, closing his eyes, hoping sleep would come quickly so he wouldn’t have to think anymore.

*****

The farewells in the crowded station were painful. Cassie cried and Dean hugged her tightly, wishing she could have done more for her. Sam's arms also engulfed him in an overwhelming embrace, conveying the feelings of the dichotomy he lived in, having to leave his brother to pursue his dreams.

The train had vanished in the distance, but Dean wasn’t moving from the platform. Novak, behind him, watched him with kind eyes, knowing how difficult the moment of separation was.

Finally Dean turned and began to walk away with determined steps. He cast a tense glance at the man who was waiting for him, who promptly followed.

Approaching the hotel, Novak called:

”Dean... I need some time to attend to some matter… I’ll be back soon. I don’t want to delay our return...”

”Go take care of your business, don’t worry. I'm going for a walk. We can leave later. Meet me here after lunch” he said, walking away.

*****

On the way back, Novak traveled on the wagon at Dean's suggestion. They could take turns afterwards and give the horses a rest.

The silence between them was oppressive. They seemed to have no subject to talk to without the presence of an intermediary. Dean realized that they had never really talked to each other. What Dean knew about Novak Sam and Cassie had told him.

Novak seemed to respect Dean's wishes and didn’t say anything until they were ready to stop and rest.

He got out of the wagon and stretched. Although they hadn’t traveled for as many hours as on other days, they were tired already when began the journey back.

Dean watched him for a moment before Jim left with the horses. He would have to make an effort to be civilized, when he would rather be quiet mulling over his thoughts.

”Well, Mr. Novak... let me take care of dinner. Unfortunately we are deprived of Cassie's culinary skills and you will eat what I know how to cook.”

"I'm sure it will be good, Dean," Jim said, taking the reins from his hands and heading for the nearby stream so the horses could drink.

Dean watched him walk away, wondering what would be the best opportunity to ask him about the job. He decided he would talk about it when they were closer to the ranch so they wouldn’ be subject to embarrassment if he declined.

When they were ready for sleeping, Dean suggested that Novak should sleep in the wagon, since it was unoccupied and the space was broad and more comfortable than the stony ground.

Jim nodded and then headed off, leaving Dean still sitting near the campfire, lost in thought.

Looking at the back of the wagon, covered by a tarpaulin, Jim addressed his fellow traveler:

”Dean, there is enough space for both of us if you want to sleep here..."

Dean was awakened from his reverie by the words spoken softly in Novak's low voice. Unwillingly, they disturbed him. He quickly replied:

”Thank you, Mr. Novak, but I prefer sleeping out here.”

”As you wish, then. Good night."

As he lay down, curled up in the rustic blanket, he was still uncomfortable. Too much pain gnawed at his insides and it was hard to fall asleep.

*****

The two subsequent days went by in the same way. The lack of what to say was uncomfortable and even though Novak had sometimes thought about starting a conversation, it was soon dissuaded by Dean's frowny face. He looked even more taciturn after the first day of the trip.

The meals were moments of forced conversation. Afterwards, Dean lay on his back and stared up at the starry sky, lost in memories of the times when they were boys and Sammy had learned about the constellations. He had been a curious boy who loved reading while Dean had been an active boy, whose greatest joys were riding and the outdoors. He imagined, unintentionally, what the childhood of the man who accompanied him might have been like. It must have been very different from theirs, especially in a family where the father was a preacher and religion was central to their lives. John Winchester had totally withdrawn from the church when his wife had passed away, leaving him with two boys to raise by himself. The blow had been too strong for him, he had sunk in alcoholism to escape the absence of the woman he had loved so much.

Amid the memories, he slipped into a dreamless sleep.

In the middle of the night he was awakened by a noise. He stood for a few moments motionless, peering. Nothing. When he closed his eyes again, the sound came back. It was Novak who had banged on the wooden wagon, he realized. Dean lifted his head and looked that way, alert, but it was quiet. He mumbled a curse and turned to the other side, determined to go back to sleep as quickly as possible.

Before he could fall asleep again, however, the noise was heard again, louder and intermittently, causing Dean to get up and check what was going on.

He approached the opening and could see that the man was struggling violently in his sleep. Jim looked like he was having a seizure. Dean, though frightened by the unexpected vision, climbed into the wagon, trying to think of a way to wake Novak without causing even greater discomfort. He touched his shoulder cautiously, calling him by his name, softly.

Novak was still struggling, his face transfigured with an expression of pain. Dean realized that he was hugging his own body and seemed to suffer immensely. He came closer and touched him, calling Jim's name a little louder.

His blood froze as Jim Novak sat down suddenly, his blue eyes open wide, his mouth uttering a chilling cry.

Dean pulled away a little, not knowing what to do, but suddenly the other man's arms were around him, as if they were clinging to a lifeline.

Dean tried to pull away from that tight embrace, but Jim had an overwhelming force in his delirium. Dean stopped fighting and tried to stay steady in the vivid nightmare of his fellow-traveler.

Slowly Jim’s arms loosened and he began to call softly, in a whimpering tone:

”Gabe... Gabe..." he sobbed.

Dean listened to the moans, terrified, not knowing what to do.

”Alfie is gone, Gabe... Alfie..." he repeated those names many times, his face bathed in tears.

Dean was suddenly touched by the situation to which he had been exposed. Novak was suffering. He was a man haunted by nightmares and terrible memories, Dean realized. He had nothing of the stable and solid man who he seemed to be. He looked now like a terrified, needy child. Something in it all made Dean's heart soften a bit, and his arms, which until then struggled to push the other man away, enveloped his shoulders. Then Dean uttered some soft words of calm and encouragement.

In the face of the tranquilizing whispers, little by little Novak calmed down and got pliant in Dean's arms. He had returned to a more serene state of sleep. Dean tried to get him to lie down again.

The dark haired man, however, pulled him along and Dean found himself lying close to his body. He tried to get out of that embrace gently, trying not to wake Jim, but when he moved abruptly he realized that Novak had woken up.

The situation was extremely embarrassing, he thought. The hands that once clung to him were suddenly gone and Jim Novak looked mortified:

”Dean... what..."

”You had a nightmare, Jim. I came to see what was happening and...” He stopped, not knowing how to explain what had happened in those brief but frightening moments.

"Forgive me, Dean, for waking you up. I know I can be...”He paused, searching for the appropriate word.”Very strong... and determined... in that… dream state."

Dean couldn’t face him, and as soon as he was free he started to pull away from the wagon.

”No problem... I see you're calmer now. Let's... try to get some sleep, we still have a long way ahead of us.”

Jim Novak just shook his head and leaned back.

Dean lay in his makeshift bed, but sleep didn’t come back. His thoughts had become entangled in the other man's gruesome dreams, making him feel strangely uneasy.

He watched as the dawn lights came on and he got up to make some coffee, finally giving up sleeping.


	7. Chapter 7

 

As Novak approached the fire in the morning, he found Dean with a steaming mug in his hands. He seemed as closed to him as he had in the previous days when he offered Jim coffee.

"Good morning, Dean. Thank you,”he said, taking the metallic mug from the traveling companion's hands.

He sat down, still, too embarrassed to say anything.

Dean made no attempt to ask him anything about what had happened the night before, but Jim could see the dark circles under his eyes.

Bracing himself, he cleared his throat.

"Dean, I need to apologize..."

"There's no need, Jim. What happened,happened. No one has power over these things.”

Novak bowed his head in embarrassment. A sad smile appeared on his face as he spoke again:

"Thank you. I'm... I often have nightmares... and I’m sorry you got to witness that.”

"I also have my share of scary dreams… I know how it is..."

"You too? I had nothing like this before...”He stopped, looking away.

Dean lifted his head and looked at him, frowning. He didn’t want talk about that, but curiosity got the better of him:

"Before...?"

"Before the war," he said, his voice deepening an even darker tone to the terrible word.”All those things that happened... what I saw and... did... come back to haunt me. The memories are... terrifying.”

"I can only imagine..."

"Did I say anything... in particular?"

"You called for... Gabe and... Alfie, I guess. You repeated these two names many times. Were they your friends in the army?”

"No... they were... my brothers. They died.”

"I understand. I don’t know what I would do if I lost Sam like this...”I said, genuinely touched by the fact that Novak had told him.

"We were very close... and... I miss them greatly... Gabriel was my big brother. Gabriel, Castiel and Alfred.”

"Castiel? Another brother?”

"No, I am Castiel. Castiel James Novak is my full name. After the war, few call me by my first name. I realized that James... is easier.”

"Castiel... Unusual name."

"It’s the name of an angel. My father chose angel names for all his sons.”

"Alfred is an angel's name?"

"Alfie... his middle name was Samandriel," he said with a small smile.

"Much worse than... Castiel..."

"He hated this name..." and the smile slipped from his face quickly.”He was only 18, Dean. Too young to have lived through it all.”

"I'm sorry. It must have been... terrible.”

"Yes... and having missed Gabe too... was even harder. My father couldn’t handle their deaths.”

"Were you part of the same company? If I may ask...”

"Yes. Gabriel was the first of us to enlist. He was bold, always ready for adventures… He always made people laugh.Then I joined the troops, hoping to spare our little brother. But Alfie had his own ideas. Luckily we all got together, so Gabe and I could keep an eye on him.”

"It must have been hard for your father, all his three sons..."

"He was a man of great faith and trusted that we would return home unharmed... But..."

Dean noticed the pause and didn’t want to force the conversation. He offered Jim more coffee.

"My father didn’t resist... when... Well, first Alfie was killed in action. A stupid thing... friendly fire, can you imagine? Gabriel, when he found out, was beside himself... I thought he was going to kill the boy responsible. But he... disappeared the next day after getting drunk. I feared that he had committed some thoughtless act, but nothing could be worse than what actually came to pass...”

Dean lifted his eyes and stared at those blue eyes that were clear at the moment, but that the night before shed bitter tears.

"He was found guilty of desertion and executed," said Novak,ending the story with a quick blow.

Dean shook his head sadly:

"I'm sorry..."

"It's been a long time, but... the memories linger," Novak said softly.

"Yes, my father was a clear example of that. He couldn’t stand the loss of my mother... He drank to forget. I understand."

"Sam told me about him and how... you cared for him to the end. You were a good son...”

"I don’t know if my father would really agree with that, Jim... or should I call you… Castiel?"

"Castiel... no one has called me that for a long time. If you want to call me Castiel, feel free.”

"I don’t know why, but it... seems to fit you." He didn’t explain, though, why he thought that way. It wouldn’t be... appropriate. Rising abruptly, he continued, in a more determined tone: ”Well, let's go. We still have a long way to go."

Castiel shook his head and rose as well. He felt lighter, knowing that he had shared part of his story with Dean. He had felt the other man softening a little. Maybe they could become friends, as Sam wished. And if he thought about it... he wanted it too.


	8. Chapter 8

The last day of the trip seemed to bring some lightness to the coexistence of the two men. Castiel's brief but profound admissions of his personal dramas put him in a softer light in Dean's eyes. He had to admit that he had jumped to conclusions and that Novak was a very different person from what he had thought, despite Cassie and Sam's suggestions. His own prejudices prevented him from seeing who Castiel really was. Not that he was ready to admit it out loud.

They were now quite close to the ranch, and Dean had yet to offer Castiel a job. He thought of him now by this name, unconsciously linking him to the man who had glimpsed at his most vulnerable moment, as if the cold, superior stranger who had intruded on his affairs uninvited had been replaced by this more human version.

Tired of analyzing the situation in his mind, he decided to take the most direct route. In the middle of the road he simply stopped and addressed the other man:

"I have a proposition to make you... Castiel," he said, in a tone that didn’t seem to his own ears as determined as it should have.

Novak, hearing his angelic name being uttered by Dean almost couldn’t hide a smile and looked up, giving him all the attention.

"Sam thinks I need someone to help out on the ranch's administrative work, now that he's away. He suggested that I offered you the job. I... I can’t imagine why you would like to work on a small ranch like ours when there are so many...”

"I'd like that, Dean. If you think I'm capable of doing the work...”

Dean was really surprised at his easy acceptance. But honoring the promise made to Cassie he continued:

"I'm sure you'll be able to handle the accounting and legal matters. As for the practical aspects of the ranch, there is a lot to learn.” He said crudely.

"Yes, that's true. But what I've learned in those few days I've been there... It's a hard life, but it seems... challenging. And that's what I need right now. Maybe I can learn enough to... someday own my own ranch.”

It was Dean's turn to smile.

"You're right when you say it's a hard life. But it has its compensations. Are we ok, then?”

"For my part, yes."

The day to day implications of the job may still escape him, but Castiel would do his best to learn.

*****

They arrived at the Winchester Ranch in the late afternoon. There were some cowboys near the stables, and Dean realized that the men from Carson City must have finally arrived.

He hurried away, heading for the cowboys' quarters, looking for Benny. He found him in the midst of a dozen men who presented him with documents as he tried to organize things.

"Dean!" He exclaimed, relieved.”The new cowboys came today, as you see... would you give me a hand here?"

"Guys, I'm Dean Winchester, your new boss. Thank you for making the trip here. I ask you to wait outside for a moment, I need to talk to my foreman."

The men left the lodge.

When the last of them closed the door behind them, Dean and Benny shook hands.

"You have your hands full, huh?"

"I'm sorry for not giving you some time to rest, but... we need to organize things around here if we want to drive the herd in two days' time. Some of them are known, others... We can only hope that everything goes well during the journey.”

"How many men?"

"Thirteen. Exact number to fill our lodgings."

Dean seemed to remember something and motioned for Benny to wait, headed for the door. Looking over the waiting cowboys, he called out to Castiel, who was unloading his luggage from the wagon. He strode forward and stepped in, taking off his dusty hat.

"Good afternoon, Benny."

”Good afternoon, brother. How was the trip? I hope Cassie is already far off, safe.”

"I think so, Sam is with her."

"Well, Castiel... _Jim_ ," he said, clearing his throat as he saw Benny frowning to that strange name ”will work with us from today. He will be responsible for the administration of the ranch.”

"Will he be the new foreman? Whew! Good news!"

"Yes, I hope you can teach him the basics." The broad-shouldered man Dean considered a friend nodded, smiling.

Castiel also smiled and suggested:

"I can start right now... Do you want help with the new cowboys?"

"My brother, yes, please!"

Dean left them working and went to look after the horses. He sensed that things would work out.

*****

When everyone was already in their rooms and the cook hired for the trip had already served dinner, Dean and Castiel were finally able to sit down and rest.

They were on the front porch, watching the agitation that had taken over the ranch.

Suddenly Dean remembered something:

"Cas... how many cowboys are there now at the ranch?"

"Twenty-one in all. Why?" He replied, smiling inwardly for the nickname his new boss just gave him .

"There is no place for you to sleep in the lodge... Where did you leave your things?"

"At the stable. I didn’t want to cause any more problems by asking where I was going to sleep...”

"I think you should stay in Sam's room" he said, remembering how much he would miss his brother.

"I can sleep in somewhere else, there is no problem..."

"You are the new foreman, and until there is adequate accommodation, you'll sleep in Sam's room.”He said, resolute. Then he added, in a lower voice:”Not that he have plans to return so soon..."

Castiel looked away, Dean’s feelings echoing inside him.

"All right."

When they were about to go to sleep, Dean showed him the room at the top of the stairs, next to his own. It was clean and airy, and he could see the prairie from the window. Two single beds were propped against the walls, covered in old patchwork quilts. Cozy, he thought, remembering the stark room he'd had as a boy in his big house in Boston.

"Thank you, Dean. For trusting me enough to hire me and for letting me sleep here.”

Dean rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly embarrassed.

"Ok. Go to sleep, things start early around here.”

The master of the house turned and walked down the narrow landing and  entered his room, closing the door.

Castiel entered the bedroom he would occupy for a while and sat down on one of the beds. He sighed, looking at his joined hands, his fingers interlaced, hanging between his knees.

He wanted to thank God for his good fortune, but his faith had deserted him a long time ago.

He got up and began to undress. His body ached and he desperately yearned for sleep. He hoped the nightmares would not come back.

*****

After the next day, when the journey to transport a large number of livestock to the State of California completely filled their minds, Dean and Castiel's routine at the ranch settled quietly.

Dean soon realized Castiel's ability with the employees and his ease in organizing the ranch documents. He also learned, from Benny and Dean about other aspects of life on a cattle ranch.

Although there was now room in the lodge again, Dean had urged him to continue to occupy Sam's room. He had given no explanation, but Castiel supposed that being alone in that house didn’t please Dean.

At night, Dean cooked for them and the few cowboys who were steady employees. It was a comforting routine, Castiel thought. It has been a long time since ha had a place he could call home.

After dinner, they would read or discuss some business matter.

The relationship between them grew increasingly comfortable from the moment Dean came to see him as a good employee. The fact that he also befriended his old friend Benny could also have influenced his opinion to some extent.

However, certain matters, such as Castiel's nightmares, were never discussed again. Likewise, Dean's longing for his brother was never addressed. They learned, in the face of their recent understanding, to respect their limits. This also contributed to their growing easiness with each other.           

*****

One night in early October Dean announced that they should go to Virginia City the next day to close a deal. Neither Castiel or Dean had been there since the incident with Alastair, and that brought a bit of apprehension to the owner of the ranch.

Not that he feared confrontation or anything like that. He only wanted to put some distance between him and the man who had tormented his father, even more than he couldn’t know if he planned something against his new foreman.

Since they also needed supplies, Benny would accompanied them in the wagon.

Arriving there, they left Benny in charge of the purchases in the general store and went to the bank.

Castiel was recognized by some people on the street and greeted everyone politely. Dean thought people must find the contrast between the two men confusing: the city man, elegant and cultured, and him, the harsh and rude boy raised on a ranch. However, he knew now, they worked very well together, one supplying the shortcomings of the other. Both benefited from this not-so-usual alliance.

And for the first time he thought of what was between them more as friendship than as a relation of employer and employee. Yes, they'd been friends over the last weeks, he realized, ever since the fateful night he had arrived with Cassie at the ranch.

At the same time that admission brought him some comfort, another feeling, of a totally different nature, oppressed his chest. It wasn't common for Dean to get close to people and to become attached, to make new friends. He thought of his father and how much he had been responsible for transforming him into that untrusting person. He knew this was one of the reasons Sam had never forgiven their father. It wasn't the drunkenness, the gambling problems what hurt him. It was the crude way he treated his brother, the one of his two sons who always supported him.

He quickly brushed aside the thought of the man across the country, placing these feelings into a dark corner of his mind, with everything else he refused to admit .

He smiled then at a beautiful young woman who passed them on the sidewalk, then blinked at Castiel.

The dark-haired man was caught unawares and blushed, until he realized the motive of the gesture. He sighed in relief, noticing that they arrived at the bank and that he could disguise behind his professional attitude how much that wink disturbed him. He couldn’t allow something like that to interfere with his life, which, at the time, was quite satisfactory.

If Dean had noticed anything, he didn't show. They soon found the  bank manager and sat down to discuss matters of buying and selling cattle.

After the meeting, Dean got up to leave, but Castiel stayed at the table. He looked at the manager and then at his boss, who was looking at him with a questioning look.

”Dean, I'd like to discuss one more subject, if I may."

”Well, I'll leave you then..."

”No... I'd like you to stay to advise me on a private matter.”

”As you wish," he said, sitting down again.

"Mr. Bradbury, I'm interested in acquiring some land” he said, addressing the manager.

That was like someone poured cold water on Dean's intimate admission. He had no words, and all he could do was stay there and stare at the man who he had just admitted to himself to be his friend. Had he been so wrong?

”Yes, Mr. Novak. What can I do to help you?”

"I know that the widow Braeden wanted to sell her farm. She told me that herself a few weeks ago. Would you know if it's still for sale?”

Lisa Braeden owned the farm closest to Dean's. They were good grounds for cattle, but since the death of her husband, about three years before, the woman couldn’t afford to keep the land. Her son, Ben, was still too young to help her as she needed.

”It's still for sale. I understand the price is quite high because of the abundance of water on the property” Bradbury said cautiously. He must have thought James Novak wouldn't be able to afford it. Especially when Alastair had already shown his interest in the area.

Taking a document from one of the desk drawers, he stated the stipulated price. Dean's eyes widened. That piece of land had valued a lot since the discovery of the Comstock lode in 1859.

”Money is no concern, Mr. Bradbury. Dean, do you think that would be a good investment?”

”Yes... I think so, if you really want to settle in this area."

”Could you see to the paperwork? I just need a few days to get the money from Boston.”

A stunned Dean listened to the rest of the conversation quietly. He was not sure why, but he felt betrayed.


	9. Chapter 9

Dean left the bank trying not to show how much he had been affected by the situation. He didn’t know what made him angry: that Castiel hadn’t told him anything about his interest in buying land or having the money to pay for it. No, there was more. The worst part was his own admission that he considered him a friend shortly before. That's what made him stomping toward the Red Dog Saloon.

”Dean, is there a problem?" Castiel asked, unsuccessfully trying to follow him walking normally.

”No, Cas, I just need... I'm thirsty, I want to have a drink. Why won’t you see if Benny's done? I'll meet you there in a little while.”

Castiel stopped on the worn boards of the sidewalk, looking into the saloon and wondering if he should follow Dean. Something had bothered him, he was almost certain. Maybe the conversation in the bank. But now he could only give Dean some space and see how things were going at the store. Later he would have time to explain what he was planning.

*****

When Dean didn’t show up after an hour and everything was ready for their return, Benny and Castiel began to worry.

They decided to go to the saloon and have a look. They hoped Dean was distracted by one of the girls.

They walked in together and looked around. There he sat at one of the tables, one of the young prostitutes at his side, a bottle of whiskey in front of him.

The two looked at each other, as if discussing without words how they could approach, trying not to cause any trouble. Both of them already knew their boss's bad mood.

”Benny, Cas..." He anticipated when he saw them.”Have a drink with me and... what's your name again, doll?"

”Ruby," said with a smile the blond-haired woman.

Benny, who had known Dean since he was a boy, said softly:

”Nice to meet you, Ruby. We'll have a drink with you, but only one, won’t you, Castiel? We have to go back to the ranch before it gets dark...”

”You take life too seriously, Benny... Come on, relax. You too, _Mr. Novak_.”

He ordered two more glasses, which were brought quickly. He served them and toasted, his voice already slightly altered:

“To Mr. Novak's ranch!"

Benny just looked at them and drank. Castiel was astonished and only with great effort he managed to ingest the amber liquid.

The strong man stood up, thanking Dean and letting him know that it was time to go. Castiel also stood, waiting for their boss to accompany them. But he seemed to think otherwise.

”Go ahead, I have a delicate subject to discuss with... Ruby," he said, pulling her to sit on his lap.

The young woman leaned against him and with a sickening smile towards the other two, waved them away.

Benny pulled Castiel by the arm and they left. But they waited in the vicinity, they knew they couldn’t leave him there with the gang of Alastair on the loose.

*****

It was late that evening when the bartender of the saloon came and called for them to come and collect Dean, who was sprawled on one of the tables. He had come up with Ruby and returned some time later, continuing to drink until unconsciousness.

They put him in the wagon and started the way back.

*****

When they were already halfway through, Castiel finally had courage to ask:

”What happened today... is it a common occurrence?"

Benny glanced over his shoulder to see if Dean was still unconscious before answering:

”It happens... sometimes." He said, seriously.”Dean doesn’t know how to handle certain things..." He didn’t specify what ‘things’ were those, so Castiel could only assume.

”He looked... quite at ease in the saloon."

”He, like his father, go there when..." he said, interrupting the speech to think how he could express what he wanted. Then he continued:

”Let me tell you a story... Dean's mother died when he was four. My family came to live here a little before that. She was a kind and caring woman. Sam wasn’t even one year old yet. It was a happy family.”

Castiel had already learned part of this story told by Sam and now he heard everything from a different point of view. He said nothing, just waited for Benny to continue.

”When she was gone... John started to drink. Heavily. Dean had to mature very fast, his brother needed him. My mother helped, but nothing could replace the care of their real mother.”

”Dean grew up watching his father get the solution to his problems at the bottom of a bottle. The boy worked hard and was rarely recognized.”

He looked back again, this time his eyes softening at the memory that came back to his mind.

”When Dean was about fifteen, sixteen John began to ease his frustrations on his children. It was Dean who suffered the most because he protected Sam. Often the boy... showed at our house, late at night, his face and body marked by John's brutality. Sam always came with him, unharmed most of the time.”

Castiel felt a wave of hatred against the man who had treated his children so violently. No wonder Dean had so much trouble trusting people.

”The last time... John almost killed him. Sam came to call us to save him... He was out of control, overcome by fury. My father, who was bigger than me, had to knock him out to let Dean go.”

”You said it was the last time... that the father..."

”Yes. Dean ran away with Sam and stayed a few days away, none of us knew where they were. John was almost mad, bitterly regretting what he had done. He went in search of his children, and when they returned he hadn’t beaten Dean anymore. I don’t know what happened, they never told me.”

“Um." That was the only answer Castiel could give. He was horrified at what had happened. No one deserved that kind of treatment, much less Dean.

”And he stayed with his father until the end. They had a turbulent relationship, but it was Dean who took care of him when John had the stroke. He didn’t last long after that.”

”What about Sam?"

”Sam was in the east. He came back when John died. I think he realized Dean shouldn’t be alone or he would end up like their father.”

Castiel also looked at the unconscious young man. His eyes fixed on the tormented face that was visible even in unconsciousness.

He felt guilty because he felt that what caused the episode of that day was the meeting in the bank. He should have told Dean what he was thinking of doing. He feared that, in a reckless gesture, he had destroyed the little trust that had been established between them.

*****

Dean was deposited by Benny, still unconscious, in his bed. Castiel watched them, standing at the door. He didn’t feel comfortable entering. The strong man looked with regret at his friend and left.

Castiel stood there, motionless, for a long time. Finally he came over and sat down in a chair by the window. Dean was still in an alcoholic stupor that he would regret the next day.

He stared at the well-made features, the strong, inert body on the blankets. Sun-tanned skin, the rough hands of hand labor. The freckles that spread across his face made him appear much younger than his thirty years of age. Castiel felt only that he couldn’t see the emerald green of those suspicious eyes, now concealed beneath the quivering eyelids.

The attraction Castiel felt for other men wasn’t unknown to him, but for Dean in particular, it was unprecedented in his intensity. Castiel felt torn between staying there, watching him wake up, suffering the consequences of the breach of trust or leave and never return.

He knew that Dean would suffer less if he were gone. But he couldn’t even make his eyes get away from him. How could he leave now that...

He got up and in a few steps eliminated the distance between them. A fearful hand came to Dean’s face and touched it. His fingers ran through his light hair, feeling its texture.

Suddenly aware of what he was doing, he moved away. He left, closing the door. He walked downstairs.

He mounted his horse and left.


	10. Chapter 10

Castiel rode for a long time, not thinking where he was going. He wanted to put a huge space between Dean and him, so that the other wouldn’t suffer.

He was accustomed to suffering and it didn’t matter anymore. He would continue, as always, forward... stopping only to share some moments with the living, until the day he would say goodbye to this world. Always alone.

He didn’t cry. He wouldn’t allow himself not even this relief.

He stopped abruptly, pulling on the reins of Balthazar, who was near exhaustion.

He dismounted. Seeing the sweaty animal, he felt bad for abusing his traveling companion. He caressed his neck for a second, whispering an apology.

They needed to rest. Balthazar needed water. Taking him by the reins he walked slowly toward a stream where they could drink.

A little farther on, among the trees, he found what he was looking for. The animal quenched its thirst, Castiel didn’t feel like drinking.

He had no desire for anything.

How much longer would he have to live without purpose, lonely and unhappy?

_How long?_

He asked this question at random, for he no longer believed in a God who could answer him.

He left the animal grazing and went to lie down under a leafy tree. He looked up at the sky through the branches. The stars seemed to mock him in his smallness.

He closed his eyes and remembered those who couldn’t suffer anymore: Gabriel, Alfie, his father... John and Mary Winchester. Two people he had not met and who, until a few days before, had no importance to him.

How long before he would join them and rest?

There was no answer. He fell asleep, feeling hopeless.

*****

Dean turned, suddenly alert. His head throbbed. He tried to get up, but the task seemed impossible. His mouth was bitter and dry.

He realized now what he had done. Like so many other times, he'd gotten drunk to get away... To get away from what?

Who had brought him home? Oh, yes, he'd been to Virginia City with Benny and Castiel.

_Castiel..._

He finally remembered the reason for the drinking.

He rolled slowly, holding his head and stood up, still unsure. He walked to the door, opened it, and listened. There was no sound in the house. Castiel should have left early for his chores.

It was better this way. He didn’t want to look at him. Destroying the confidence Dean had placed in him was a crime he couldn’t forgive.

He went to the kitchen and drank a cup of water. Looking out the window he saw Benny approaching. He was angry and Dean knew he would be scolded hard.

*****

Dean made a huge effort to do part of his chores that day.

Against his will, his mind kept going back to Castiel, who wasn’t at the ranch. Benny had told him they'd all been back together the day before.

Where would he be?

Dean didn’t want to, but he worried. He shouldn’t worry about a traitor, he thought. He had probably returned to town to finish the negotiations. It was better that Dean started getting used to his absence.

He closed his eyes tightly and pushed away the thoughts that insulted him. He couldn’t feel like that.

When the sun went down on the horizon and it was time for Dean to go to bed, Castiel hadn’t returned yet.

_Where would he be?_

*****

Castiel awoke with the sun filtering through the leaves above him. The luminous dance of sunshine made him distracted for a moment before he remembered why he was sleeping on the ground when he had a comfortable bed at Dean's ranch.

Sitting down, he looked for Balthazar. The horse grazed further, oblivious to the owner's suffering.

He got up and walked slowly to the animal. He started the journey back.

*****

Returning at a slower pace, Castiel arrived at the ranch late at night.

He took care of the horse before going to the dark house. He realized that he hadn’t eaten since the day before. But that didn’t matter now.

He went upstairs, opened the door to his own room, and got ready to sleep.

*****

The next morning Dean and Castiel met at the usual time, at the kitchen door.

For a moment none of them seemed to know what to do or say. But then Dean broke the silence:

"Good morning, Castiel."

The other answered, his conscience heavy for having caused all those problems.

Dean was already walking out the back door when Castiel called.

Turning, his serious face didn’t indicate relief for having him back. He didn’t ask what had happened, and he would not.

"Dean, I... I need to apologize."

"I see no reason, Castiel." Again he repeated the full name, formally, wishing to demonstrate that there was no longer any camaraderie among them.

"Wait ... Sit with me for a moment and let me explain."

"I have my appointments, I'm sorry. I need to go. If it's really necessary, we can talk at night. "

Castiel saw through the window as Dean walked into the stable and minutes later rode away in Benny's company.

*****

The night was slow to come and didn’t bring relief to Castiel's tormented conscience. They had dined in silence, and the man from the east didn’t know how he could get Dean to talk to him.

Soon after the meal Dean walked to the staircase, not a single word uttered. He was still resentful, Castiel thought.

Before he started climbing the stairs, Castiel called him:

"Dean, we need to talk. Please..."

"Is it really necessary? I'm pretty tired."

"Yes. You need some explanations, don’t you think? "

"If that can’t wait... So, what do you have to tell me?"

"Are not you even going to sit down and listen?"

Grudgingly he went to one of the armchairs and sat down, his attitude denoting at the same time annoyance and disgust.

Castiel sat down in front of him and began to speak:

"Dean, I need, first of all, to apologize. I should have told you what I was planning before I went to the bank. I don’t know if you can forgive me, because I know how important trust is for you. "

"Leave this nonsense aside, Castiel. Trust? No need to apologize."

"I... let me start at the beginning. About two months ago, when I was newly arrived in Virginia City, I decided that I would finally try to settle down. I got a job, which was supposed to be temporary, and I started looking for some land to purchase. I became interested in Mrs. Braeden's ranch, but the later events involving Cassie diverted my attention."

Dean kept quiet. Castiel continued:

"I came to work here, at your invitation. At first, in the face of difficulties you face every day, I began to rethink my original idea. Maybe I wasn’t made for this life. "

Dean's bored face urged him to continue:

"On the other hand, over time, the idea started to make sense again. I like living here and I like this life. Maybe this is my destiny, after all. "

"Yes, Cas..." Dean finally said, the determination to call him just by this full name weakening. "Ranch life is spectacular, I know! Who wouldn’t want to live like us, waking up before the sun, working until the body is in tatters ... I can see the charm... "

"Spare me your irony, Dean. What I'm trying to tell you is that after meeting you and Sam I realized that I didn’t have to do it by myself. I intended to propose a partnership to you. I would bring the Braeden Ranch and the water it contains, while on your part would come the Winchester Ranch and the herd. And, of course, your knowledge of the business. "

Dean's face froze in an incredulous look:

"Partnership? Who told you that I intended to associate with someone? And how could I make this decision disregarding Sam's opinion? "

"I know I was too forward and made decisions without regard to your wishes, Dean. That's why I need you to forgive me. "

"You don’t need any of this, Castiel. I'm the one who needs to know if you want to continue working here of if you're going to leave to take care of your own ranch. "

Castiel felt devastated. Dean hadn’t forgiven him and would not. And  he still required an immediate decision about his job there at the Winchester Ranch.

He thought for a moment and replied:

"I'll continue to work here if you want."

Dean had the opportunity to send him away. Castiel would accept his decision without question.

"I need a foreman. I can look for another one, but I need time for this. For now, I’d like you to keep working here. "

"Right. I'll stay, then, until you find a replacement" he said.

Dean got up, nodded, and went upstairs, closing the bedroom door behind him with a thud.


	11. Chapter 11

It was autumn, but it might as well be the harshest winter because of the glacial tone Dean now used in his conversations with Castiel.

Matters were limited to what was strictly necessary, focusing only on ranch matters. Any subject they might have discussed before had been quietly dismissed as ‘out of the question’ by Dean.

Sometimes the owner of the ranch went so far as to make Benny the middleman in their discussions, which greatly displeased his old friend.

The situation became so unsustainable that Castiel moved from Sam's room to the cowboy's quarters. He couldn’t stand the idea of sitting down with Dean after dinner and enduring that forced mutism.

Dean didn’t say a word about that. He didn’t ask and didn’t comment on it. He moved on as if nothing happened.

Castiel was waiting for the day Dean would tell him he was fired, since he found and hired another foreman. At that moment, he would gather his few belongings and leave, for good. The ranch he just bought would be sold through some intermediary. He'd never set foot in Virginia City again.

What Dean wouldn’t know was how much Castiel would feel as he walked away. For the first time, after his brothers' deaths, he had known the meaning of family, home, and friendship, coming to know the two brothers. His heart ached with the thought that he would have to get away from the rustic cowboy he considered a friend.

He sat, after the daily work on his simple bed, in the almost empty room, with a book in his hands. There were several rooms in the shed, and there, only him and Garth Fitzgerald slept.

His state of mind must have been showing for the young man had come to talk to him as soon as Castiel had settled there. Sympathy was apparent on his face. Garth’s smiles were easy, though Castiel realized how much he has struggled in life.

He gave Castiel his friendship unconditionally. That gesture was comforting and lessened a little the sense of loss he had been experiencing in recent days.

One night Garth rummaged through a box and showed Castiel a photo. Castiel's eyes met the gentle smile of a young girl in a white lacy dress. An inscription on the back said, "For Garth, love, Bess."

"She's my sweetheart. Have you seen anything so beautiful? "

Castiel suppressed a thought that showed him Dean's face and smiled.

"She's lovely, Garth. Are you planning to get married soon? "

"I'd love to, but ... I'm trying to save some money. She's waiting for me. Bess lives on a farm in Northern California with her family. We've known each other since we were kids." His eyes were overflowing with warmth and Castiel was envious of the other man, who could freely express his feelings.

For a moment he imagined himself living in the Braeden house, with Garth and Bess there as well, living in a cabin of their own, helping him with the chores of the ranch. Maybe a healthy baby crawling through the kitchen while she cooked... That made him think again about leaving if Dean fired him. Maybe he could help that gentle guy to be happy with his beloved.

Castiel smiled again at the picture he had painted in his mind. How he longed for something like that. He dared not dream more than that.

*****

The end of the month was approaching and with it, the need for some supplies. Dean, however, didn’t feel inclined to go to town. He feared to fall into temptation and end up completely drunk again. There was a reason he wanted to drink all the bottles in the saloon, he knew, but he ignored the feeling and focused on his work.

He sent Benny and Castiel to do the shopping. He was going to stay right there at the ranch. He wouldn't do that again. He hated the idea of his foreman seeing him in that state again.

His employees came back in the evening. Dean had already made dinner and waited for them to return, sitting on the porch. He saw when they arrived and put away the horses. A few minutes later they came walking toward the house.

Castiel carried a folder where he always kept the documents. He came over and, with a stiff gesture, opened it so he could deliver something to Dean. While he waited for him to find it, Dean saw through the papers the documents related to the Braeden Ranch, which now belonged legally to Castiel.

Something inside him snapped and he stood quickly, leaving Castiel and Benny stunned. He tried to act nacturally, saying they should go eat.

Benny and Castiel walked in after him and, getting to the kitchen, Castiel handed him an envelope.

He turned and took it in his hands. It was a letter from Sam addressed from Philadelphia. Struggling against the urge to tear the envelope down immediately and eagerly read its contents, he set it down on the table, next to his plate. He would read later, when there was no one around who could see him suffer.

*****

Dean sat in his favorite chair, lit the lamp and turned the envelope in his hands. Now that the moment had come, anxiety and fear were struggling in his chest.

In a determined move, he finally ripped it off, pulling out a pair of sheets of paper covered in Sam's elegant handwriting.

He told Dean in detail about their arrival in Boston and the meeting with the family that would take care of Cassie. They were simple and kind people, as Castiel had told them. The girl was happy and asked him to thank Dean and Castiel. He promised to write to them soon.

He then reported on his return to Philadelphia and to his studies. Dean could feel the excitement of his brother's words, and he was guilty for not wanting Sam to leave Nevada.

In the end, he talked about his fiancé, since he had proposed marriage to her the moment they met again. Happiness exuded from each line, the love Sam felt for the young woman more than apparent. Dean was glad for him, but he knew there was no chance of his brother returning home. He didn’t say anything about moving definitively east, but Dean knew it would happen. Inevitably.

He stayed there for a while, the sheets of thin paper resting on the table. His gaze was focused on a dark corner of the room and while he was meditating, the darkest thoughts came back to the surface.

He got up and crossed the room, heading for the place where he kept the whiskey.

*****

Morning arrived and brought with it all the effects of the exaggerated consumption of alcohol. Dean’s head hurt and he looked with bleary eyes out the window to see the sun high in the sky.

He cursed and got up. When meeting with Benny he noticed in his eyes a silent rebuke and pity. He didn’t want to see any of that and, riding Impala, he left.

But wherever he went he carried the emptiness within him. A void that was bigger than Sam, bigger than his contempt for himself; a huge sense of worthlessness seized him and he wished he were dead. He cursed Sam for having prevented his father from finishing him that day, long ago.

His mind was suddenly filled with the image of blue eyes on an angular face. He couldn’t forgive himself for letting that man have taken possession of his feelings and... desires. He brushed that idea aside, just to see it return, incessantly, to the center of her mind.

When he found himself alone again, in the dimness of the living room, he resumed his solitary journey to self-reproach. This time he couldn’t even climb the stairs, sleeping sprawled in his chair.

*****

"He got drunk again yesterday," Benny told Castiel when they met the next morning.

Castiel shook his head. Dean was in a self destructive process and he hated watching it. Maybe he should resign and end that story.

Still mulling over these thoughts, he drank the coffee Benny offered him. Dean hadn’t woke up yet.

He finally decided to put an end to that unsustainable situation. If he had been in a position to help his boss, he would have made a different decision. As it was, he had only one choice.

*****

Dean stayed inside his room most of the day. His employees didn’t see him, but the ranch remained in operation, since they were dedicated and conscientious. Their boss inspired this in them, with his fair way of treating them and his determination.

Castiel had been up all morning, while he was reviewing the bills to pay, his heart in tatters. He had come to the final decision and it was necessary to tell Dean.

He climbed the stairs, his legs seeming to weigh tons. What would happen next was something he would willingly avoid if he could.

He knocked on the door and waited. A few moments later, a rumpled Dean opened it, his breath denoting how much alcohol he had consumed during the hours he had been alone.

"Good afternoon, Dean. We need to talk."

"Is it something... that can’t wait until tomorrow?" He said, his voice hoarse.

"I would prefer to talk right away, but if it is not possible..." He answered, taking a step back.

Dean's hand reached out and grabbed his arm.

"Wait... let's talk, then... What do you want?"

Castiel would like that discussion to occur under different circumstances, but he couldn’t avoid the words that came out of his mouth:

"Dean, I'm quitting."

"Are you... are you _quitting_? What does that mean? "He seemed not to understand what had been said to him, in the state he was.

"It means ... I won't work here anymore. I agreed to wait for you to find a substitute but... "

"Now that... you own a ranch you ... can’t wait to leave us. I get it."

"Don’t get me wrong, I..."

"Go!" Dean said pushing him hard. "Go now and take your arrogance with you!"

"Dean, I don’t want ..."

A stronger push and the two of them turned toward the balustrade on the landing. Castiel, pushed by Dean and Dean by beeing unbalanced, in its altered state.

Castiel clung to him so they wouldn’t fall down the stairs.

For a moment they stayed like that, fury burning in Dean’s green eyes.

And when the dark-haired man would least expect it, Dean's lips met Cas’ violently.


	12. Chapter 12

The brief but intense contact was ended by Castiel, who pushed Dean away from him.

He rubbed the back of his hand against his mouth and took a deep breath. Dean had turned and walked back into the room, slamming the door.

He waited for a moment for his breathing to normalize and walked down the stairs slowly. That had been unexpected, to say the least. He needed to sit down and think about what he would do next. He didn’t know what to do.

He entered the cowboy’s lodge and sat down on the chair near the window. His heart pounded and he could still feel the taste of Dean's thirsty mouth.

He looked up and saw his boss leave, put his hat on and walked as determinedly as he could in his condition to the stable. Before Castiel could reach him he had already left in a hurry.

His first instinct was to mount Baltazar and follow him. As he saddled him, Benny walked into the stable as well, for he also watched Dean leave.

"What happened, Castiel?"

"We... argued... and Dean went back to his room. Shortly after he took Impala and left like crazy, I'll go after him. "

"Wait, I'm going with you. Follow the road to town and I'll go to where he usually goes when he’s upset. "

"Right," he said, already mounted on his horse and ready to go.

"He's... drunk, isn’t he?" Benny asked sadly.

"Yes, we need to find him before anything serious happens."

*****

Dean barely saw the road. He needed to get to Virginia City soon and find one of the girls. He didn’t had sex for a long time, he thought through the alcoholic buzz in his head. That was why he had kissed Castiel that way. That should be the only reason.

A drink and a girl. That was what he needed.

*****

In one of the curves of the road Castiel saw Impala going at great speed towards the city. Although it was a steep stretch, a rocky climb, Dean made the horse run as fast as he could.

He seemed to be running from the devil, Castiel thought. Soon afterwards he corrected himself: _demons_. He was running from his own demons.

*****

Dean slipped from the horse, awkwardly in front of the Red Dog. He strode forward as steadily as he could at the entrance of the establishment. It was received almost immediately by the open arms of Lilith, the madam.

*****

Castiel had lost sight of Dean, but as he entered the city he caught sight of Impala in front of the saloon.

He stepped quickly and was coming in when he was seized by a strong hand. He turned unwillingly to meet the bleak eyes of Azazel, one of Alastair's minions. In that afternoon light, his eyes had a strange glow, which made them look yellow, in a totally unnatural way.

"Where do you think you're going, 'Preacher'?"

"I'm looking for my boss, Azazel. He is here?"

"If you're talking about that idiot Winchester, he is. Ruby and he just came up. They should be planning a party, because they took two bottles with them up there. "

"Well, I need to talk to him..."

"No, Novak. Nothing will disrupt our business "he said, blocking his passage.

"Get out of my way!"

"You are the one leaving!" And the words were followed by a  hefty shove. When Castiel made a comeback, he was punched in the face, which made him fall backward on the sidewalk boards.

As he stood up, noticing the blood flowing from one of his nostrils, he watched the approach of other thugs.

If he intended to enter by force, this option was no longer reasonable. He picked up his hat that was on the street, slammed it against his thigh to wipe away the dust, and walked briskly toward the sheriff's office.

Soon he noticed a burning smell and an unusual hustle in the streets. He looked up and then saw smoke, which he didn’t see before in his determined rush to find Dean.

From the high place in which it was, he could see that part of the wooden structures of the city was on fire. Fires were not uncommon in a place so densely populated like Virginia City and he didn’t worry. The firemen were already on their way, he noted.

The headquarters of the "Territorial Enterprise", his former employer, was close to the fire, but he didn’t expect it to get there. He quickened his pace, as the sheriff's intervention might be necessary to help the victims. He had to talk to Bobby before he left his office.

He found the door open and Bobby Singer on the way out. They exchanged a few words and no matter how much the sheriff cared about the one he considered a member of the family, his civic duties were more pressing. He advised Castiel to look for one of his delegates, Henricksen, in the stable at the end of the street, so that he would help him with the gang in the saloon.

As he left, he was almost carried away by the crowd that came to see the fire. Going the other way would be quite difficult.

Opening the stable door, he called for the deputy. He looked around and realized that only the horses were there, no employees. They should all have gone to see what was happening.

As soon as he walked back to the street he was hit at the nape of the neck by a violent blow and fell, unconscious.

*****

He found himself lying on the straw on the stable floor. The horses were agitated and he could been trampled while unconscious.

He stood up, leaning against the wall and staggering toward the door.

He paused, stunned.

Virginia City had become hell.


	13. Chapter 13

He realized the fire had spread. The theater burned, black columns of smoke rising, probably visible many miles away. The air was almost unbreathable and he covered his nose and mouth with a handkerchief as he tried to return to the saloon.

The locals who were once curious were now in the midst of widespread panic. Some people tried to salvage objects from their homes, and merchants despaired in the face of their losses.

He couldn’t see if the Red Dog had already been affected, but he hoped that Dean was no longer there, drawn out by the trouble in the streets.

As he drew closer, he noticed that the saloon had begun to burn, the fire spreading rapidly. Making his way among the people, he approached the door, and what he saw in there froze his blood: the main room on the lower floor was being consumed rapidly by the flames.

In the midst of the disorder he was thrown from side to side and he collided with Ruby, who seemed out of her mind, her makeup blurred, tears streaming down her face.

"Ruby!" He said angrily, holding her by the shoulders. When she didn’t react, he shook her and called her name louder.

She seemed to awaken from her stupor and threw herself into Castiel's arms, the weeping intensifying.

"Ruby! Calm down... Where's Dean? Was he with you? "

The sobs almost drowned what she said:

"He... he... is there! There... in the room! "

"What? Wasn’t he with you? "

"Azazel... threw me out and locked the door... Dean was inside."

"Didn’t he try to leave?"

"He had passed out. He had too much to drink. He couldn’t even... "

Castiel disengaged himself from the woman and threw himself in, contrary to all the laws of common sense.

*****

The heat hit him like a punch. He entered without a second thought, and now he saw that he must have protected himself in some way against the flames. No way he would be leave. Dean needed to be saved.

He tied the scarf around his face to avoid inhaling smoke and picked up one of the small gambling tables that had not yet burned to use the top as a shield. The staircase had begun to catch fire, but it was still possible to climb, as long as it leaned against the wall.

He should have asked which of the rooms they had been in, but now it was too late. He took off his jacket and wrapped his hand around it as he tried to open the nearest door. It opened to reveal an empty room.

He continued down the hall, opening all the doors. Luckily he didn’t find anyone there.

The penultimate door didn’t open. The smoke there was dense, and Castiel feared Dean had suffocated.

He kicked the door, which remained intact. A second kick made it move a little in the frame. Throwing himself at it in despair, he finally opened it, falling into the room, which was being slowly filled with smoke. Dean was lying on the bed, face down, one of the arms hanging out, inert.

Castiel sprang toward him and turned him over, placing his face close to his mouth to see if he was breathing. When he found that he did, he took him in his arms and started his way toward the exit. He had little time, he knew.

He reached the door only to see the staircase collapse. He would have to find another escape route. He walked back down the hall to the rooms, staring out the window. The next room had a balcony that had a narrow staircase leading into the back alley.

He grabbed Dean harder and headed for the other room. He opened the door and found the fire very close, devouring the brocade curtains. The wind made things even worse, causing them to move toward them.

Strolling fearlessly, he pushed the curtains toward the double-panel doors that opened outward. The panes had shattered, and sharp pieces hung from the wooden frame, ripping Castiel's sleeve from his shirt and wounding his arm. Turning away from the sudden pain, he finally leaned against the burning fabric, burning his other arm and hand a little. Swallowing a howl of pain, he lunged out, still grabbing Dean with all his strength. Fortunately, the stairs were intact and he could descend with relative ease. His lungs burned, though. He had inhaled so much smoke.

When he reached the small street that ended in a street that crossed to the main one, his eyes fell on the hateful figure of Azazel. He wore a devilish grin on his face and brandished a weapon, ready to shoot.

Castiel leaned against the wall as fast as he could, hiding behind a wall. He looked over and saw the outlaw approach.

"Castiel! Nice meeting you and Winchester here. So I’ll kill you both. "

"Azazel... This is none of your business. Please, let us go. " 

"Alastair wants you two dead, and so it will be..."

Castiel, thinking as fast as he could looked in the opposite direction and despite carrying his unconscious friend began to run. Azazel smiled and didn’t bother to follow them. The two headed for the worst of the fire.

*****

Castiel realized that he had made a mistake. Before he went any farther, he took a detour toward the mines. In his eagerness to flee from the fire and the thug who was chasing them, he heard someone shout:

"Save the church, it's starting to burn!"

And another voice, in an imperative tone, answered:

"Forget the church! We need to prevent the fire from reaching the mines! " *

*****

Castiel ran, stumbled, fell, but he didn’t let go of Dean. He tried to go as far as possible from the city. He needed to find some place to hide. He was exhausted. He couldn’t take much more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * It is said that a similar dialogue actually took place during the great fire of Virginia City on October 26, 1875. The city was virtually destroyed.


	14. Chapter 14

Getting into one of the mines was their only way out. He sought the farthest, fearing that the fire would finally get there.

Castiel feared to enter and be trapped, but on the bare slope there was nowhere else to hide.

Dean, now half-conscious and coughing, was carried inside, thrown over his shoulder. The tunnel was deserted since all the miners had left work and gone to try to help to fighting the fire. Castiel could see their equipment lying on the ground, in the eagerness to leave quickly and deviated from them so as not to stumble, now that it was getting darker as they deepened into the mountain.

Soon the tunnels bifurcated and Castiel chose the less obvious option, following the darker path. In a short time the darkness was complete and he continued to walk along the walls.

They had told him that hot springs ran beneath the mines and he now felt it, in the sweat that ran down his face and soaked his clothes. He could guess how hard was the life of those who worked there.

Beginning to feel the signs of exhaustion, he propped Dean against the rocky wall and slid him to the floor in a seated position. Castiel settled beside him and listened once more. The silence was so absolute that his ears seemed to be blocked. The only sound was Dean's rasping breath.

His body demanded rest, his legs trembling for carrying his friend's dead weight. He closed his eyes for a moment, and to make sure Dean wouldn’t leave, he fumbled for his hand. He held it, squeezing it between his burned fingers. The pain seemed to be small when compared to the desperation he felt for not being able to tell his boss what he felt.

He fell asleep, disconnected for a moment from all that terror that surrounded them.

*****

A movement woke him. Dean coughed again and tried to get up. Castiel tried to hold him, but he was already on his feet, on staggering legs.

"Dean, don’t... Wait..."

"Where are we, Cas? How did we come... how did we get here? "

"Don’t you remember? The city is on fire! "

"The city is... And what are we doing here? I don’t understand..."

"I took you out of the motel room where Azazel locked you up. When he saw the raging fire, he locked you in one of the rooms. Ruby told me. "

"She told you… and you..." He kept quiet for a moment, realizing the danger the other man had been exposed to save him. "Thank you, Cas," he said softly.

Dean held up a hand trying to find his friend in the dark. His hand gripped the torn sleeve of his shirt, in a gesture of support. When Cas jerked his arm away, he asked:

"What happened? Are you hurt? "

"Yes, a cut. And some burns, but nothing serious. I've been through worse. "

"We have to get out of here, Cas."

"We can’t... Azazel was on our trail... we need to wait until the night comes."

Dean shifted abruptly and got off balance, still feeling the effects of the whisky he had drank before. He leaned against Castiel, who held his arms tightly.

"Cas, we have to get out of here... I... no... I can’t... I think I'm... I'm going to suffocate!"

The dark-haired man realized that Dean was beginning to panic, everything that had happened finally coming to him hard. He began to struggle in order to free himself, uttering profanities, desperate. He seemed to have real difficulty breathing.

"Dean, DEAN!" Castiel said energetically as he tried to hold Dean in place.

But Dean had his strength doubled in his state of distress, and Castiel found himself obliged to push him against the wall and hold him there, using the force of his whole body to restrain Dean’s movements.

Dean, his face against the rough stone, was still struggling, his arms fastened at his shoulders by Castiel's strong hands. Castiel tried to say words of calm and comfort in Dean’s ear, not letting himself be shaken by his outburst. Slowly, the muscles of Dean's body relaxed and the only noticeable thing was the spasms of his breathing as he sobbed, tears streaming down his face.

Slowly Castiel released his wrists and made him turn toward him. Dean hid his face in the curve of Castiel’s neck as his arms wrapped around his torso, bringing him closer.

Castiel held him firmly, pouring in that embrace all the feelings he had in his heart, while Dean cried, all those repressed thoughts coming out at last.

In the most complete darkness, there was nowhere to hide.

After a few moments Dean raised his head, as if trying to see Castiel's face. One of his hands came up and fumbled until he found it. Rough fingers brushed Castiel’s lower lip lightly, and a second later it was covered by Dean's mouth.


	15. Chapter 15

The kiss began slowly, a light touch of lips. Castiel closed his eyes, feeling the warmth of the man he loved, the subtle movement of their mouths. He was afraid of breaking the mood, so he would remain as still as possible.

Dean, finally allowing himself to do what he had always wanted, slid his tongue to the seam of Castiel's lips. With a sigh, they opened to receive a delicate intrusion.

Tentatively, the two tongues curled around each other. Dean turned his face slowly, allowing his tongue to go deeper, receiving a muffled moan in return.

That tiny sound, in the face of the immense silence that enveloped them, was the first of many, as their hands drew their bodies closer, and their mouths sought to quench the thirst they felt for so long.

Dean leaned back against the stone wall, pulling his partner hard against his body, brushing his unmistakable excitation against Castiel. He reacted by turning his hips a bit so that both hard cocks could meet.

From Dean's lips a rare sound escaped, and Castiel was sure, even without being able to see them, that his eyes expressed the greatest ecstasy he had ever felt.

Castiel silenced him with another deep kiss as he moved his body languidly, their erections pressed against each other.

Dean accepted Cas’ caresses and returned them generously, his hands sliding down his back, down to wrap around the buttocks covered by the thin fabric of his trousers. Those forbidden touches, impregnated by Castiel's masculine scent, were new to him, but he could no longer hide from them. He surrendered completely.

In that inhospitable place, surrounded by darkness, they climaxed together, their lips never parting.

Without removing a single piece of clothing, they had stripped their souls in a clear and perfect moment.

*****

They held each other for some time. Cas rested his forehead on his partner shoulder and Dean touched gently the handsome face he admired so many times.

Soon their legs, whose muscles seemed muffled, demanded that they sit down. Leaning against the rocky surface, they could hear their breaths coming back to normal.

There was an urge to put into words what they had experienced a moment ago, but none of them seemed willing to be the first to talk.

Castiel finally squeezed the hand he held between his injured fingers and brought it to his lips, prompting a moan.

"Cas..." Dean said softly. "What is wrong with us?"

"There's nothing wrong, Dean. This is who we are. "

"You... you were once a man of faith... Tell me... Will God punish us for this?"

Turning to take Dean’s face in his hands, he whispered against his lips:

"Why would God punish us for loving?"

For a moment the silence seemed even deeper. Dean, finally breaking the barriers he had built inside, said:

"Cas... I..."

Castiel understood that these incomplete words had in themselves a difficult and beautiful admission:

"Yes, Dean, I know... I love you, too."

A sob in the darkness, and Castiel found himself pressed against his lover's chest. He received in gestures the statement that Dean’s lips refused to make.

*****

Leaning against each other, in the depths of the earth, devoid of any convention that had ever been imposed upon them, words flowed.

"You know, Cas... The first time I became aware that two men..." he cleared his throat "could... _you know_... I should be about fifteen."

"How did you find out?"

"We were on a long trip to take a herd to another state. I always wanted to accompany my father on these undertakings. Take care he didn’t... drink too much and get in trouble... "He swallowed hard before continuing. "There were a lot of new cowboys in the group. One day I began to realize that two of them were always together... There was nothing different, they were two rustic men, work mates. But there was something about them that made me pay attention to everything they did... "

Castiel chuckled softly.

"I... I noticed that sometimes, at night, they left the camp and came back much later. While everyone slept, the two would leave and I would stay awake, waiting for them to come back. I wondered... what were they doing? I think something inside me was suspicious, but I couldn’t believe it. "

"One night I let them go and followed them from a distance. They walked side by side, until they reached a quiet place. So... well, you can imagine what happened. I stood there… feeling disgusted... and at the same time... fascinated. I wanted to move, but I couldn’t take my eyes off it. When I finally got up and started coming back to the camp... My father found me. "

Cas squeezed his hand, lovingly urging him on.

"He already knew what was going on between those two. I know today that sometimes it is the only consolation that men have in these long journeys. It's not at all unusual. But my father didn’t want me to know, and the fact that I had witnessed... It awakened an immense fury in him.... I shouldn’t be that way, he said. It was a sin, and I would go to Hell. He pushed me hard and I fell. I just got up to be punched and dragged back to the camp. "

His voice suddenly choked.

"I was curious, Cas... Innocent… just a boy... But he... He never gave me a chance. _He never gave me a chance_. " He swallowed the tears, as his father had taught him so rudely.

Castiel wrapped his arms around his shoulders and made Dean lay his head on his lap. Cas’ hands gently stroked Dean’s hair, hating John Winchester with his whole being.

They were quiet for a while until Dean could continue, not lifting his head.:

"You know... I could never forget that. I liked girls, I thought they were pretty and attractive, but... every now and then there was a boy who attracted me also. My father knew. He knew it, Cas, and he hated me for it. Whenever he could, he’d get some excuse to beat me up. And I would stand still, I thought I deserved to be punished for feeling like that. "

"No one deserves to be punished for what they can’t control, Dean. He was wrong. "

"Was he? It's a crime, isn’t it? If we get caught doing what we just did... "

"I know it's a crime, I know they say it's a sin, that we deserve eternal damnation... But what we did... Does it harm anyone? Why can’t we have the right to express what we feel, like everyone else? It's just... It's love, Dean. Who can be punished for loving? "

Dean was quiet for a while, meditating on those words, spoken so meaningfully by Cas. He too must have suffered every form of repression from a religious family, the son of a preacher.

It was Castiel who resumed the conversation:

"Benny told me... that your father almost killed you once. And that just didn’t because of Sam interference... And that after that he never beat you again... "

"He caught me kissing a boy in the stable... He was  only a boy, like me... A couple of years older... My dad hit me so much, said so much... There was so much hatred... Sam heard everything and called Benny's father. He took him off me. As soon as I could stand up, Sam threw me on the back of a horse and we fled. We spent a few days in an abandoned cabin in the mountains. Sam took care of me, any way he could. He... saved my life, Cas. I owe it all to him. "

"And he to you."

"When our father found us, Sam said horrible things. He threatened him with a knife. He was only a twelve year old boy, but he looked like a giant. My father seemed to shrink and apologized, asked us to come home... He swore he would never do anything to me again. "

A tear trickled down Castiel's face. The bond that united those brothers was very strong. He finally understood why Dean was so upset about their separation.

"After that, I learned my lesson. I began to repress my interest in... boys... and I totally devoted my attention to girls. I wanted to prove to my father that I had changed. "

"We can’t change who we are, Dean..."

"I know..." Dean said. "What embarrassed me most about all this was... that Sam knew. Sam always knew what I was. "

"And he... did he say anything? Didn’t he defend you? Sam loves you, Dean, knowing you're like this. That doesn’t change anything, you know? "

Dean couldn’t answer. He let the sadness flow in an unrestrained cry. With Cas he could be himself. He could show that he was sensitive and had suffered too much. He was extremely grateful to have him in his life.

He sat up and pulled Castiel for another kiss. Deeper and slower than before. It was born from feelings, not only from desire.

"Thank you, Cas..." he said as they parted.

Cas didn’t reply, he just pulled Dean into his arms again.


	16. Chapter 16

Sleep caught up with them again as they waited for the right moment to get out of hiding.

Dean woke first and felt Castiel's hair on his face. He smiled in the darkness, remembering what had happened between them.

He touched his arm slowly to wake Cas up. They got up and groped along the walls and started the long way back.

Finally, after they had almost got lost in the labyrinth of tunnels, they reached the entrance to the mine.

The air was heavy, saturated with smoke. They couldn’t see the sky. They let go of the hands they had intertwined long before and assumed the posture expected of two men in that rustic frontier world.

They walked cautiously, and the destruction surprised them. There was little left of the bustling city they had known. People scattered the streets, stunned, in the midst of chaos.

They decided to look for the sheriff, whose office was in a less affected part of the city, the small portion of buildings that remained standing.

They found the old law man in a deplorable state, covered with soot and near exhaustion. There had been no respite from the fire, and anyone who could have worked unceasingly to save something.

Seeing the young Winchester, however, his face lit up and he wrapped him in a tight hug.

"Dean... I thought..." and couldn’t finish, too emotional to speak.”Thank God."

"It's good to see you’re fine, Bobby." Looking toward the other man, he said,”It was Cas who saved me. Thank him."

"I'm grateful, Mr. Novak. He's like a son to me.”

Castiel, embarrassed, just bowed his head and accepted the thanks.

"Benny was here looking for you. He must be out there helping in the efforts if I know him well.”

"Let's go look for him, he must be worried," Dean said, turning to walk to the door when Castiel's hand touched his shoulder.

"Azazel, Dean? What will we do?"

"What about him?" Bobby asked.

"He... tried to kill me, locking me in a hotel room. Then he chased us with a gun. He hinted that Alastair wanted us dead.”

"Well... I haven’t seen him today, but... You can stop worrying about Alastair."

"What happened?" Dean asked.

"He, instead of helping, decided to take refuge in the church. He thought it would be a safe place, the coward. Unfortunately, given the choice between saving the church and the mines, the miners decided to save their livelihood. He burned to death.”

That statement made Castiel think of divine justice.

*****

They walked through the rubble in their search for Benny and his horses, helping as best they could. Dean noticed how Cas was injured, his face swollen, his arms affected by cuts and burns. He longed to go to the ranch and take care of him the way he deserved.

They found Benny near to where the stable had been. He had found Impala and Baltazar and tied them to a fence.

Dean turned to him and found himself hugged again by the old and dear childhood friend. When they parted, Benny's eyes were filled with tears. He greeted Castiel with satisfaction and when he learned that he had been responsible for Dean still alive, he also wrapped him in a bear hug.

The tiredness of that day was beginning to make itself felt acutely and Benny suggested that the two of them return home while he would stay for a few more hours helping the victims.

Each rode on his own horse and they left town. Or what was left of it.

*****

They reached the ranch at dawn, at the end of their strength.

Garth ran out of the lodge and took the reins of both horses, greeting them with joy. It was possible to see, right there from the farmhouse, the black column that had risen from the city and he was curious to learn some details.

Soon, however, he noticed Castiel's condition and was silent, horrified.

"Garth, please warm up some water. Castiel needs a bath before we can dress his wounds.”

"Dean, this is not necessary..."

"It is necessary, yes. I'll get the tub, bring plenty of hot water.”

They climbed the stairs and Dean put the metal tub in his own room.

Castiel wanted to protest, but Dean made him shut up with a serious look.

A few minutes later Garth began to bring buckets of hot water. If it seemed strange that Castiel would bathe in Dean's room, he said nothing. The owner of the house went down with him and helped bring a few more buckets, until they filled the tub and the water was at a pleasant temperature. He also asked his employee to bring Castiel's luggage and place it in the next room. Garth left the room, saying that he would cook something for them, and that when they were ready they should go downstairs.

Dean and Castiel found themselves alone in the bedroom. Garth had closed the door, giving Castiel some privacy. Dean, however, couldn’t leave.

Castiel began unbuttoning his shirt, which was in strips. He grimaced as he began to slide it down his arm. Dean stepped closer and helped him, preventing the fabric from irritating the wound.

Underneath the ruined shirt, he wore a short-sleeved, dirty-soiled shirt. Dean hesitated before putting his hands on its hem to pull it over Cas’ head. He felt strangely embarrassed. He dropped it on the floor and couldn’t lift his eyes. Suddenly he felt the weight of what had happened between them.

Feeling Dean's embarrassment, Castiel took his hand gently and placed it on his chest, on the left side. Beneath his palm the freckled man could feel his quick heartbeat. He looked up and found a small smile on Castiel's face, his eyes soft.

"That's me. I want you to know me. I want you to touch me. If you want it too.”

Dean closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

When he opened them, Castiel said to him in a low voice, in that deep voice that affected him in unimaginable ways:

"Feel my heart?"

Moving closer, he placed his hand on his partner's chest. He smiled again when he realized how much he was also affected by the closeness.

"We should talk later... and decide what to do... I want you."

Dean brought him closer and kissed him lightly, responding to his proposal:

"I want you too, Cas. I've wanted you for a long time. But now is not the time for this. I need to take care of you. Let me... take off those pants.”

He crouched down to untie Cas’ boots and, after pulling them off with his socks, pulled his pants and the long underwear down toward his feet as Castiel stepped out of them.

And so Dean stared at Castiel. His gaze slid up, watching every detail, rid of his initial shame.

When he met the beautiful blue eyes again, he smiled with no malice. That was Cas. And he was Dean's.

*****

Castiel was clean and dressed in looser clothes. Dean had bandaged his arms and put some ointment on his face, which was beginning to turn purple from the blow he'd taken at the saloon.

He left Castiel in Sam's room, resting, and went downstairs, looking for Garth. Benny had just arrived, and sat at the kitchen table, sipping a cup of coffee.

He announced that Castiel was lying down and asked Garth to bring him something to eat.

Garth nodded and, looking Dean from head to toe, replied:

"Now it's your turn, Dean."

"My turn?" He asked, frowning.

"To bathe and rest. I'm going to take Castiel some food and I'll be back to warm up more water.”

Dean laughed. That should have been the longest sentence Garth had ever said to him.

"Right, right. For now, I'll sit here and have some coffee with my friend.”

When he was alone with Benny, he looked at Dean seriously. He said nothing, but Dean realized that somehow he knew. Dean had never been good at hiding things from him.

"Is it everything right, my brother?"

"Everything is as it should always have been, Benny. I think Castiel... will continue here. Indefinitely.”

"That's nice. We need more men of courage like him around here.”

Dean smiled. Benny, like Sam, didn’t show any kind of recrimination.

"Thank you, brother," he said, repeating the vocative his friend always used for him.”Thank you."

*****

Garth had emptied the tub and refilled it. When Dean walked into the bedroom, dragging his body upstairs, his head throbbing from the excesses of the previous evening, he just wanted to relax and sleep for a while.

He undressed and sat in the tub. He washed quickly and then stretched himself as far as he could in the small metal tub, one leg hanging out, his head leaning against the high back, a wet washcloth over his eyes. He was almost asleep when he heard the door opening slowly.

He was startled, and his quick movement splashed water everywhere. He also slammed his heel against the side of the tub. He tore the cloth from his face and blushed. Castiel was approaching, a smile on his face.

"I thought you were going to call me to help you too."

Dean replied,

"I wanted to let you rest. And I'm a grown man. I can bathe by myself.”

Standing beside the bathtub, Castiel spoke, an amused expression on his face:

" I can see that you are a grown man."

Dean smiled. If life would be like this from now on, it was something he could appreciate.

Castiel kneeled on the floor next to the bathtub, feeling weariness overwhelm him. He lifted one of his hands and pulled a lock of Dean's hair from his forehead in a careful motion. He then asked quietly:

"Benny... does he know?"

"He... I think so. He didn’t say anything, but he... knows me too well. Why? Do you fear that...”

"No, he's a good friend, he'll stand by you. It's just... a few minutes ago I saw him call Garth out of the house. Then he had him saddle a horse and ride away.”

Dean laughed, closing his eyes.

"He is trying to help, Cas. With Garth looking like a mother hen around us, he must have thought it would be better... for us to be alone for a while.”

Cas smiled too. Putting his hand into the water he said:

"The water is getting cold. Come on, get out of there.” He stood up and turned to pick up the towel that was folded over the bed.

Turning again, he found Dean standing, water dripping down his attractive body. It was his turn to enjoy the sight. His hand touched the freckles that scattered over his chest, reverently. Then he wrapped the other in the white cloth and, seizing the moment of privacy, kissed Dean chastely on the lips.

He also helped him to get dressed. Castiel made Dean lie down and covered him with the multicolored patchwork quilt. He got up, ready to go to his own room, when Dean's hand held him, making him sit on the edge of the bed.

"Cas, I... I have no words to..."

"Shhh... we don’t need words, Dean."

Dean smiled gently and moved on the bed, making room for Cas. They were exhausted and needed to sleep. He wanted to spend those quiet hours with Castiel, if he could.

A warm look told him he wanted that too.

Castiel snuggled against Dean's warm body, nesting his head in his chest and sighed. Soon they were asleep.


	17. Chapter 17

Dean woke up and it was still dark. Through the window, the moonlight entered, partially illuminating the room. In their extreme fatigue they had slept all day and part of the night. He reached for the pocket watch on the nightstand, and with difficulty checked that it was almost midnight.

He turned toward Castiel, who had at some point turned his back to him, his face toward the ethereal moonlight. He looked very young, unarmed, open.

Leaning on one elbow, Dean looked at the person who shared his bed. A man. And that, although new and a bit scary, was also comforting. He had been convinced throughout his life that he could never have something like that and thanks to this stubborn stranger he realized how wrong he had been.

He stared at the disheveled, dark brown, soft hair he had been able to touch before in the darkness of the mine. His profile was angular and masculine. Those full, soft lips which were able to rip the deepest moans from his. The dark shadow covering his jaw, which on brushing the roughness of his own face was so arousing.

He lost track of how long he had been there, appreciating how lucky he had been to meet him. Despite the doubts and uncertainties of a relationship between two men in that rough land, most of his thoughts were hopeful, from what he learned about Castiel's heart.

As if awakened by the touch of his constant, loving gaze, Cas moved, turning his body to Dean and opening his eyes, blinking to make sure it was really him and that the two of them were there for real. A smile flashed across his face.

“Can’t you sleep, Winchester?"

”I’m appreciating the view, Novak."

”Hmmm..." he whispered, moving to touch the handsome face that was staring at him. His hand circled the back of Dean’s neck and drew him closer. When their lips touched, it was as if the world around them had disappeared. Everything that existed beyond that door didn’t matter. Being there and experiencing those sensations was just what there was for them.

Their movements were natural and responded only to their wishes. One leg huddled between the partner's, fingers sliding tenderly and purposefully under the clothes, bit by bit discarded by gentle yet impatient hands.

Soon there was only skin on skin.

Lips on lips.

Eyes that stared into each other in the dim light, communicating the delicacy of feeling and the rawness of desire.

For a moment everything seemed suspended midair.

*****

Cas stared at Dean's face. He had come to the point he had wanted since he had seen him, many weeks before, at the saloon. The fact that Dean wanted him in the same way didn’t cease to amaze him.

”Cas..." Dean whispered, his eyes finally focusing on Castiel’s face. ”What’s the matter?"

”I..." he began and broke off. How could he put into words what he felt?

”Are you afraid?"

”No... yes... but not of what you think..."

”How do you know what I’m thinking?" He said with a soft smile.

”Dean, I've been with other men..."

”And that doesn’t matter. I want you."

Castiel calmed down at the other's determination. He hadn’t forget his promise, now that they were about to turn words into action. He rolled Dean on his back and straddled his hips.

A wild spark flashed in the green eyes. Castiel's hand reached for his mouth, thrusting two fingers inside it, which the other gleefully began to suck, twisting his tongue around them.

Castiel, then, got up on his knees and began to prepare himself with wet fingers. Dean, seeing what the other was doing, gasped and widened his eyes. It was much more sensual than anything he had ever experienced. Cas, his head thrown back, eyes closed, his breathing ragged, his own erection swinging against the slender abdomen.

Dean had to avoid looking for a moment, because he was too close. He felt like a teenager, discovering sex for the first time. He closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on other things. But it was hard, with the soft moans that left the partner's mouth in his ears.

He opened them immediately, feeling Cas's body coming down to his, slowly enveloping his cock.

He found a bright smile on the face of the man who was his first. Castiel was experienced and taught him with patience, taking one of his hands, which was gripping the sheets, to kiss it tenderly and guide it to his own hard member.

 _Sex was sex_ , Dean thought. But that... was so much more.

*****

Lying side by side in the wee hours of the morning, wrapped in each other's warmth, they enjoyed silence not breaking it with words.

They stayed like that until the first sighs of dawn came to replace the moonlight. There was no longer any way to avoid it.

Castiel, regretfully, began to move, intending to get up and return to his own room. Dean's arms prevented him, pulling him back.

”Cas... don’t go... please stay."

”Dean... if I could I would never leave this room again, but... We have to keep up appearances. You said it yourself in the mine... It's a crime. Our society has chosen to deem what we feel to be a crime. We will have to... keep in line if we want to continue... with our...”and stopped, not wanting to label what existed between them.

”I hate not being able to tell everyone how I feel about you. It's so much more than sex” he replied, embarrassed by how close he came to expressing his feeling in words.

But Castiel knew how Dean felt, and that half-admission was enough for him.

”Each one of us has their own room in this house. I'm your employee, the ranch foreman. We have a professional relationship and we can act as friends before the others.” He slowly stated the terms of that new dynamic between them, which had begun the day before.

Dean frowned, not satisfied with that. Before he could open his mouth and vocalize his thoughts about Castiel's plan, he continued:

”But when night comes... We'll sleep in the same bed. We will express our love in every way we want. With no fear. What we're going to do do inside these four walls is all ours, Dean. It only matters to both of us. Would you agree with these terms?”

A smile came to Dean's lips, and he nodded. He could live with those conditions. There was only one thing:

"You said you are my employee. I thought you wanted to be my partner.” That hierarchy was much closer than he had wanted to his relationship, despite all the restrictions he had previously imposed.

”Do you want it to be like this?"

”Yes, I want us to be partners in all aspects. I'll send a telegram to Sam, explaining how good your proposal is.”

”Good, eh? Which of the terms of the contract do you think is the best?”

”Hmmm... maybe the one that states you will sleep in my bed from now on? I think it was the condition that made me rethink the whole contract...”

Castiel brought Dean's smiley face closer to his and let Dean kiss him until he was out of breath.


	18. Chapter 18

When Castiel and Dean entered Virginia City a few days after the fire that had devastated it, they couldn’t restrain their admiration. Despite almost complete destruction in some areas, it was already being reconstructed, seething with activity. Enthusiasm seemed to overcome grief over what had been lost, and people demonstrated that they wanted to make the new Virginia City better than it had been before.

The telegraph, fortunately, wasn’t affected and so Dean could send the message in which he explained to Sam, across the country,  Castiel’s proposal for partnership. At the time of his earlier indisposition with Castiel, he had told him that his brother wouldn’t approve of that negotiation, but now, when the terms between the two were totally different, he had to admit that Sam would accept the agreement without restraint.

They walked through the huge piles of debris being pulled from the charred buildings on their way to Bobby's office. They found the old grumpy sheriff in a better mood than they could expect. The rapid recovery of that town showed its resilience, result of the daily hardships of living there. This instilled renewed hope in the weary heart of the law man. The fact that Alastair had perished could also have something to do with that state of mind. When death cut off the serpent's head, his henchmen fled or were arrested as they tried to cling to the remains of the outlaw’s business. The only loose end yet, however, was Azazel. Nothing was known of him until then.

Crowley, the "King of Hell," the aspiring new agent of the local criminal scene, wanted to live up to the dubious title but Bobby Singer and he had come to some agreement, and things were under control.

In the end, the hell the town became only a few days before, almost taking Dean with it, had brought the much-needed renovation. To the city and to its people’s lives. Renovation was brought to his own life as well, Dean thought as he cast a glance at the elegantly dressed man walking beside him.

*****

Even before Sam's response could reach them, Castiel wanted to go the property that he had purchased and which would soon be part of the Winchester ranch. He knew it had been a good deal. He had sought the advice of several people in town before looking for a property to acquire, and everyone had told him that it was the best purchase he could make. If the Braeden ranch was the closest neighbor to Dean and Sam Winchester's land, even better.

Riding side by side, on Impala and Balthazar, they crossed the limit line and entered Castiel’s land. It was an area of verdant pastures with mountainous sections, that were the source of several rivers and streams of the region. It was a  beautiful place.

Castiel was pleased to think that he had finally put the inheritance of his family to good use, which for so many years had been forgotten in a bank vault. He had spent practically all he had in that piece of land, but he felt that it had been the right thing to do.

Soon they saw the ranch house. It was a simple but well-kept house, denoting the work of the family who had lived there. What had degraded was the result of Matt Braeden's absence. Lisa had not been able to carry the work, alone and with a small child, wishing to return to San Francisco from whence she came.

They dismounted in the middle of the garden that had become a wild burst of shrubs and flowers, without the hand of the one that had created it to keep it under control.

Opening the door, they entered the house, which still held some of its furniture. That would have no place in the new family house in the big city. It belonged to the rustic dwelling, which had been a family home for so many years.

Castiel's eyes slid over the walls, where the shadow of the paintings were visible. The furniture was covered with a thin layer of dust.

 It was larger than Dean's house, with three bedrooms, a spacious sitting room, and a sunny kitchen with wide windows, where a large iron stove that had belonged to the former owner’s wife still rested in a corner. Dean, who always felt comfortable in a kitchen, opened the cabinets, ran his fingers over the worn surface of the wooden table, and stood at the window to look out at the yard, where there once were chickens.

Breaking the silence that had settled down since they had entered the house, Dean spoke, drawing Castiel's attention.

"Matt Braeden. He died when he fell off a horse. He was an excellent rider and one day he fell and banged his head on a fence. Ironic, isn’t it? "

Cas just shook his head sadly. He thought of the woman and son who had been left behind in the land of the living to mourn him.

"Lisa... she's a beautiful woman. Two years after Matt's death... she tried to catch me, you know?" He kept looking out, enjoying the view while his mind wandered.

Castiel approached with firm strides and when Dean least expected he was pressed against the wall, between the stove and window. Castiel kept him there by force, just as he had done that day in the mine.

"Beautiful woman, eh?" He growled against his ear, jealousy gnawing at his insides.

"Whoa! Jealous, Cas? "

"You could use another adjective to describe her…"

"Well, I can tell you that despite her beauty... she never appealed to me. She... doesn’t have... the 'charms' you have, if you know what I mean... "Dean said, a mischievous grin on his face as he felt the muscular body leaning against his back.

"'Charms'... um... I must tell you that... I'm not afraid of using them... if _you_ know what I mean." The man whose blue eyes burned passionately said, repeating the insinuation made by Dean.

"Use them, then..." Castiel gasped, realizing the veiled proposal in Dean's words.

Castiel didn’t expect that answer, and for a second he didn’t know what to do. Dean had never before hinted that he wanted Cas to do something like that.

"Cas..." Dean's voice rasped, rubbing his buttocks against Castiel's semi-erection, prompting a deep groan from him. _"I need you."_

One hand dropped from Dean’s shoulder and came down to unbuckle his belt, which fell to the floor with a muffled sound. Castiel kicked it away, working the buttons on Dean’s pants.

His other hand also came down, pushing the clothing to the floor. At the sight of his lover's muscular body, Castiel's breath caught and Dean realized the effect he had on him.

"Cas..." he whispered, leaning seductively on the stove, now that he was no longer restricted by the other man’s body. He rested his face on his folded arm on the iron top, blinking over his shoulder at his partner, who seemed completely mesmerized by the movement that further exposed that body he wanted so badly.

"Dean, I..." He started to say, wondering how he could do it without hurting him. It was Dean’s first time and Castiel knew from experience, it could be painful. The freckled man didn’t respond, only pushed a can over the stove. Taking the lid off, Castiel saw it was full of lard. Immediately he understood what Dean meant, and he put his fingers in the whitish substance.

He began touching Dean’s hole with his oily fingers. Dean couldn’t suppress a groan at the first contact. Castiel took his time, preparing him lovingly to receive his throbbing cock, all the while kissing the back of his neck and saying sensual words to his ear. When Dean was finally ready, he seemed about to come.

Castiel approached and began to penetrate him, slowly. The moans that emanated from Dean’s handsome lips were more of pleasure than of pain. His movements, however restricted in that position, urged Castiel to go faster and deeper.

Neither lasted long. The excitement of doing that there, unashamedly in the light of day, in the midst of the momentary impulses was intoxicating.

They slid to the floor, where they held each other until they recovered. It had been perfect.

*****

When Dean got dressed again he couldn’t help but frown. Alarmed, Castiel worried that he was in pain, but soon realized that the reason was the sticky feel of the lard on his skin. Castiel laughed and came over to kiss him again, saying:

"Thank you, Dean."

Castiel sighed, looking around. Soon someone would come and live there to manage this part of the estate, perhaps Garth and his wife. It would be good to give them a chance to start. On the other hand, he couldn’t stop thinking about the freedom they had felt, the two of them alone in that house.

Dean was on his way to the door and realized that Castiel had lagged behind and came back to find him, still standing in the middle of the kitchen.

"What is it, Cas? Regretting to have proposed partnership to me? "

"Not at all. Our... association is the best thing in my life. "

Dean blushed and smiled, embarrassed.

"What I feel is that... at your house..." when he saw the reprimand in Dean's eyes he quickly corrected himself "... in _our house_ , there are always people around. We need to restrain ourselves. In this house everything happened as they always should... "

"Hmm... I understand." Dean thought for a moment, pondering the situation. Then he took Castiel's hand and pulled him out of the house, saying:

"Come with me."

They mounted and galloped up the mountains, a little beyond the limits of Castiel's estate. There, amid a compact mass of leafy cedars, they could glimpse a hovel, the bare boards old and weathered.

Dean dismounted and reached out again to Castiel. Fingers interlaced, they walked to the door of the house, which wasn’t locked.

Pushing it, they entered the single room, with only two small windows allowing the light to enter. A table with a pair of chairs at one corner and a simple bed at the other, against the wall.

Castiel had no idea why Dean had brought him here. To whom did this house belong? Why was it abandoned? Before he could ask any of the questions in his mind, Dean said:

"Do you remember that Sam and I ran away from my father once? When we hid for days in the mountains until... our father found us… This was our hideout. "

Castiel looked around again, his impression of the place completely different, now that they were dyed in the colors of the sad story of the two brothers.

Dean dropped Cas’ hand and headed for the only closet in the room, a small and dilapidated cabinet. Opening the door he removed a wooden box. He showed its contents to Castiel. There were only a few rocks in there.

"We stayed here while my wounds were healing. Since this house belonged to a miner, we pretended that we found gold and silver in the mine that is nearby. "

Castiel felt his chest tighten at the thought of the two boys who had been hiding there, running away from his violent father. Dean added, also feeling the effect of the memories:

"We were children, Cas. No one should have to grow up so quickly... "

Castiel hugged him, wishing he could erase all those memories. Suddenly, he felt inspired and asked:

"Did you say this house was abandoned by the miner who lived here?"

"Yes, when they found the Comstock lode, people came in search of fortune. A miner and his wife got this concession, but they never found anything. The main silver and gold deposits are far from here. They left and never came back."

"And to whom does it belong now?"

"The deed should be in the possession of the bank, after so many years. This land’s worth nothing for the mining companies."

"Dean, I... I have an idea. I still have some of my money, not much, but if you help me we could buy this house."

"Why would you want to buy an old house at the end of the world?"

"We could... call it our hunting or fishing cabin... This denomination would be for the others. For us... it will be a refuge. A place where we can be ourselves for a while, away from everything, A home just for the two of us, in the mountains."

Dean's eyes softened, as he understood Cas longing. He wanted a place where they could live as a couple, not having to be afraid of what others would think or do.

From his lips, rising from the feeling he had in his heart, came the words he hadn’t been able to utter before:

"Castiel... I love you."


	19. Chapter 19

The mountain house was bought soon after. Cas and Dean were partners in it as well, having contributed with equal amounts for the acquisition. They talked little about it with other people, wanting it to be a secret for the moment.

Meanwhile, Dean had plans and that required them to leave the ranch for a few days. He thought of improving the house, building at least one room. Castiel didn’t think it necessary, but Dean had told him it was a way of making the miner’s old house their home. Hearing this statement, there were no arguments. Dean ordered wood, supplies for construction, a decent stove and a new bed. They needed at least a week to do everything they had planned. They weren’t going to take anyone else, doing everything themselves.

Benny, who would take over the ranch in their absence, suspected what were Dean and Cas’ plans, but said nothing. He could see the change in his old friend. Dean had become a kinder person and his heart, which had always been immense, could now express itself freely. Castiel had also softened his rigid ways, being more open in his friendships when there had always been some reserve. The two of them together were far better than the sum of their personalities.

Dean's friend went to town in a wagon to get everything they bought and made absolutely no comment when he saw that they had just bought one bed. A double bed. Dean had lowered his eyes, embarrassed, realizing he must have noticed, but it was as if Benny had not. Dean was grateful for that.

What Castiel most appreciated in their secluded cabin, not mentioning the time he could spend alone with Dean, was the view they had of Lake Tahoe. They had to walk for a few minutes, but the view of the sunset was breathtaking.

The huge trees that surrounded the house were Dean's favorite. He couldn’t express it in words, but he felt that the trees showed people their real proportion in this world. People were small compared to them and so much smaller when it came to the feeling that could bring two people together. For anyone who had never read poetry or romantic books, his once lonely soul had an incredible perception of what love was.

Each time he looked at Castiel while he slept or did something that demanded his concentration, as now, in which he repaired the old shutters of the house, he realized how beautiful he was, not only outwardly. He was a good man, with pure intentions and high ideals. Dean couldn’t suppress a smile and something inside him warmed in a special way.

*****

They returned home a couple of days later than planned. The work had ended relatively early, but the desire to be with each other was strong. They took two or three days only for making love, sleeping in each other arms, and walking through the forest holding hands, enjoying the tranquility that surrounded them.

It would be hard to return to their roles in daily life with no revealing glances or touching each other during everyday activities. But it was imperative that they do it, so at night, in each other's arms, they anxiously planned the next journey to the little house on the mountains.

*****

Life on the ranch, after the partnership was approved by Sam and the documents were signed, changed a lot, since their land was much larger. They needed more employees and business prospered.

After six months of Sam's departure, Castiel received a telegram, brought by Garth from the city.

Dean was curious but didn’t ask questions. If it was something important, he would know. He decided to give Cas some privacy.

At night, as they sat together in the living room, reading, Castiel remembered the telegram and commented:

"Dean, remember that telegram? I have to go to San Francisco in two weeks. My old employer would like to talk to me. I was thinking... why don’t you come with me?"

"This time of year? It's the busiest time, with all the calves... I don’t know if I can get away. "

"I asked Benny and Garth if they would take care of the ranch for us if we went away for a few days and said there would be no problem... We would rest, go to the theater and buy some things for the ranch... and for _our home_."

"Um ... You’ve asked them before you asked me... I should be pissed, but spending some time with you in San Francisco doesn’t seem like a bad idea," he replied, smiling.

"Well, we'll leave on the sixth, I have to be there on the tenth for the _'Monitor'_ meeting."

Dean had learned about Cas’ past as a journalist; he knew he'd worked at that prestigious newspaper in San Francisco before moving to Virginia City. Dean was still amazed that Castiel had left that life and come to settle with him on a ranch.

He stood up and walked to Castiel, offering him his hand. They climbed the stairs together, taking refuge in their private world.

*****

This time they made the trip by train. It was more comfortable and less tiring for the horses. Dean didn’t like the idea of staying away from Impala for a long time, but he had to agree that they would enjoy it much more in this way.

They disembarked and went straight to the hotel they had booked. Dean knew they would stay in separate rooms, obviously, but when he saw that they were connected through a door, he was happy. He had a hard time sleeping away from Castiel these days. Cas, in turn, had no longer had nightmares, which was very good.

During the day they walked, appreciating life in the big city. It was too agitated for Dean, accustomed to the quiet rhythm of country life from the time he was born. Castiel, in turn, seemed in his element.

They retired early, for Castiel's meeting was the following morning.

*****

Dean walked with him to of the newspaper office. They would meet at a restaurant near the hotel for lunch.

He left, then decided to buy some things for their house in the mountains. He wanted to surprise his partner. He found exactly what he was looking for. He purchased the item and asked the clerk to ship it to the ranch.  

He walked out of the store towards the place they were supposed to meet in a few minutes. Dean spent his time alone observing people, the way they hurried to their appointments. He was definitely not a city man. When he was a few blocks away from the place he and Cas would have lunch, he found a bakery that had beautiful pies displayed in the window. He glanced at them, trying to pick just one of them to eat later, when his eyes met Castiel.

He was sitting at a table in the back of the restaurant. He was facing Dean, smiling. Dean couldn’t see the person he was talking to, only his back. He was a man with broad shoulders in dark suit, an elegant man, very different from the simple Nevada cowboy.

He thought of entering, but before he could do so, the man touched the arm Castiel had rested on the table and let his hand rest there. Castiel made no move to withdraw his arm. On the contrary, he smiled even more and put his hand over the other man's, accepting that touch that should be unwanted.

Immediately, Dean turned toward the street and without knowing where he was going, he walked away.

*****

Castiel was surprised that Dean was not at the restaurant. He waited longer than was reasonable and worried that he had suffered an accident. He hurried toward the hotel. He didn’t know what to do. It was unsettling.

When he entered the room, he didn’t find his companion. He left, searching for him in the nearby streets, in the shops they had visited the day before. After a few hours of searching, he returned, desolate, to the hotel.

Dean was lying in his own bed, which he had not yet used. Castiel sighed, relieved, and crouched beside the bed, taking Dean’s hand.

The cowboy opened his eyes but didn’t smile. Castiel was surprised, something was wrong.

"Dean, where have you been? Have you forgotten our lunch? "

"San Francisco is a big city. I ... got lost. "He said, laconically, as he stood up.

"I was worried... I thought something happened..."

"Nothing happened, Cas. Your country friend is not used to the big city life. "

Castiel fell silent at the sullen remark. He thought of giving him some time to return to his habitual behavior. The experience must have been very embarrassing.

Dean watched as Castiel passed the open door to his own room, which hadn’t been used by the two since the first night. His heart was torn by jealousy.

*****

As dinner time approached, Castiel came back, dressed in one of the new suits he'd bought the day before. He was ready to go and seemed surprised to find Dean still in bed.

"Dean, we have a reservation at that restaurant I told you about yesterday. Why are you not dressed yet? "

"I think you're going to have to go alone, Cas. I'm not hungry."

"I never thought I would hear you say something like this." He teased, trying to lighten the mood.

Dean didn’t answer. Castiel came over, sitting on the bed, where the other man had his back to him, facing the wall.

 "Dean, I don’t know what happened. I'm sorry I wasn’t with you this morning... Let me make it up. There's something... " he hesitated before continuing in a lower tone "there's something I need to tell you. Something important."

Dean narrowed his eyes. He knew what it was. Castiel would not return to Nevada. He was going to stay in San Francisco, working at the newspaper, having his elegant friend as... company. He had grown tired of playing cowboy.

But Dean was not going to concede him that victory. He was going to have dinner with him and show how he could also be cold. He got up with a smile on his face and began to dress.


	20. Chapter 20

Dean changed his behavior on the way to the restaurant. Castiel calmed down a bit.

They entered the well-decorated place, illuminated by beautiful crystal chandeliers. It was an exquisite place, as Castiel must have been accustomed to. Dean felt out of his element, but he was not going to show it.

They were led to a table covered by a white, flawless tablecloth. The dishes and the crystals were elegant. A crystal vase and fresh flowers adorned the center of it.

An elegantly dressed waiter handed them the menus. Dean chose the most expensive dish and wine on the list. He would take revenge in every possible way, since he knew this was the last opportunity.

Castiel said nothing except for a slight raise of his eyebrows. Dean didn’t usually choose the wine, always letting him do it.

While they waited, the conversation was forced. Castiel didn’t understand how they felt this awkward when they shared their lives so frankly.

A blond young woman, her golden curls arranged in a complex hairstyle and wearing a nice light green dress, walked past their table and Dean didn’t take his eyes from her. On the contrary, when she smiled at him, she blatantly returned the gesture. She left the room, toward the adjoining one, looking over her shoulder and smiling at Dean again.

Castiel was mortified. What kind of demonstration was that?

"Pretty woman, isn’t she?" Dean commented, looking in the direction in which she had disappeared.

"Y-yes… she's very pretty. And elegant, "he said, completely embarrassed.

Dean thought he saw something more than embarrassment in that look.

"Too bad she’s gone now. I thought I'd ask her to dance after dinner. "

"Dean, what is..." Castiel began, but couldn’t finish. Dean was acting very strangely. He didn’t understand it. It was as if... he wanted to make Cas jealous.

They ate in silence after that, since Dean seemed focused only on the door through which the girl had left, as if eagerly awaiting her return.

Castiel looked down thoughtfully. Maybe Dean had finally realized everything he'd given up for living with a man.

At that moment, the young blonde returned. And she wasn’t alone. He came with a tall, long-haired man.

Dean started cursing his luck, then he looked at the man's face. It was Sam!

*****

Dean choked at the sight of his brother. The girl next to him must be... Jessica! He felt very, very bad.

The couple approached and was greeted by Castiel. Dean recovered a little and looked at the young woman, who showed her perfect teeth to him, in a warm smile.

The brothers hugged. Dean and Castiel were introduced to Jessica, who shook hands with familiarity.

"I feel like I already know you two, Sam talks a lot about you," he said gently.

Castiel invited them to sit with them. Dean was overwhelmed by the emotion of seeing his brother, whom he hoped would marry in the east and never come back. And here he was, with his fiancée.

"When... did you arrive?" Dean asked quietly.

"We arrived yesterday. But Jessica wanted to surprise you, Dean. That's why we wrote to Castiel and... "

"He... invented a story to bring me here..." He understood Castiel's ruse to make him come to San Francisco. But none of it could erase the scene he'd witnessed that morning. How could he act as if nothing had happened?

"James was the perfect accomplice to our 'crime'" Jessica said, giggling.

Castiel looked happy by the reunion, but Dean could see a trace of sadness on his face. He probably wished to leave soon to meet his 'friend'. It must be someone he had met in the time he had lived there in the past.

Sam noticed something strange and asked:

"Dean... is there something wrong? You look a little... distressed? Aren’t you happy with our coming? "

"Of course I'm happy, Sam," he said, trying to look more cheerful than he actually did.

"You look... distant. When Jim and I met to talk this morning, he told me that you would be very happy and now... "

The realization of what he had seen struck him. It was Sam the man who had touched Castiel in the arm with familiarity.

He swallowed and looked at Castiel. How could he doubt him?

Castiel kept looking at him, not understanding.

Dean got up and said, his low voice sounding even lower:

"Would you please excuse me for a moment?"

Castiel also stood, looking apologetically at the couple who looked confused. He followed Dean with his eyes.

"Something is wrong, Jim" Sam said, brow furrowed with concern.

"He must be just thrilled to see you, Sam," he replied, not mentioning that the strange behavior had begun before the reunion.

When Dean returned to the table, he looked a little better, but not much. His behavior in the eyes of his companion had changed from bad mood to embarrassment. He did't look at Cas, if he could help it.

When he learned, however, that the young couple intended to spend some days at the ranch, his face expressed the deepest joy.

Castiel, who was watching his face with anxiety, saw him demonstrate the happiness he felt and his chest tightened. He loved him so much! But something was wrong, he was sure.

*****

Sam and Jessica went to the hotel where they were staying, and the two men made their way to theirs. The air was heavy between them, but neither of them broke the silence.

Each one opened the door to his own room, as was their normal procedure. Then they always slept in Castiel's room. Tonight, however, Dean didn’t come immediately to meet him, confirming his partner's suspicions.

No longer able to stand that situation, Cas opened the communication door to find Dean leaning on the dresser with both hands, his head hanging forward. When he heard the sound of the doorknob, he turned, face livid.

"Dean... what is it? Please tell me. If I did something wrong... "

"No, Cas, you didn’t... On the contrary, you made me very happy tonight. I... it's... " He stopped, unsure of how to express what he thought.

The other man stood at a distance, as if he weren’t allowed to approach.

"Dean, please... If there's anything you need to tell me... I want to know."

"Castiel, you never did anything that wasn’t honest... You always treated me kindly. But I... I distrusted you. I was unjust, because you never gave me motive. "

"Were you suspicious?"

"This morning... I saw you at the bakery, with Sam. But I didn’t recognize my own brother... and I thought you... were with another... man. "

"With another man? Who would it be? I don’t understand..."

"I saw... when he touched your arm and you... smiled and touched his hand too... I didn’t know it was Sam, so... I thought it was a man from your past. "

Castiel didn’t know what to answer. He stood there looking at Dean, stunned by the revelation.

"Why would you want to be with me when you could... have someone better than me?" He completed and lowered his eyes, knowing that his low self-esteem couldn’t justify his erroneous judgment of the man who had never given him cause for mistrust.

Castiel waited there for a moment and seemed torn between walking up to Dean and hugging him and going back to his own room. He felt an intense conflict within him. He loved this man as all the fibers of his being and he had shown an indescribable lack of trust.

"Dean, I... I can’t talk to you about this right now. I need to think, if you'll excuse me... I'm going to bed. We'll talk in the morning. Good night."

Turning, he went out the door and closed it on the other side.

Dean had never felt so lonely in his life.


	21. Chapter 21

Castiel sat on the bed. He stared at the wall, not really noticing the intricate floral pattern that covered it. His mind was, in fact, focused on the man on the other side of that door.

He felt sad for Dean, who was suffering. The urge to open the door, lie down next to him, and demonstrate everything he felt was huge, but he was hurt. Dean had suspected him. Worse, he hadn’t try to ask if any of his speculations were true before acting in a definitely aggressive way.

He understood where all this came from. He understood the role of years of repression and solitude. He knew how much he had rejected himself, feeling guilty for being different from what his father had wanted. John Winchester had been a terrible man and Dean still suffered the reflexes of his violent creation.

But he knew that Dean needed to mature emotionally. He himself had gone through a very long process of accepting who he was and feeling ready to love and commit to someone. It was painful to think of how much Dean needed him now, but there was nothing he could do but let him understand for himself the need to grow up.

Castiel knew that in doing so, he would risk losing the only person he loved that way in his entire life, body and soul. But he had to do it. He got up and began to undress to sleep alone for the first time in many months.

*****

In the morning, he woke up early, got dressed and knocked softly on the door of Dean's room. But not on the connecting door between the two rooms. He went out into the hall, just like anyone else would.

It took a while for Dean to answer. When the door opened, he seemed both crumpled and hopeful. Castiel noticed the needy look and hurried to say:

"Sam and Jess are waiting for us. Get dressed and meet me in the hall. "He turned and walked toward the stairs without looking back.

Dean didn’t want to see that. He wanted things to go back to the way they were with Castiel. He had made a mistake. He needed to win his trust again, but he knew it would be difficult. Some things, when they broke, never regain their former beauty. He feared he lost Castiel.

As soon as they met the young couple, after a silent walk, side by side, they sat down to enjoy the morning meal. The day was sunny and Jess wanted to know more about the city. Castiel offered her his arm to guide her, since he was the one who knew San Francisco the most, having lived there for a few years. Sam and Dean followed behind, watching the gentle way Castiel addressed the girl, who smiled at him unreservedly.

Dean didn’t feel like talking, his mind bent on finding a solution to his problem.

Sam, realizing that something was wrong, accompanied his brother without a word. He desperately wanted to help, but how could he approach such a subject in public?

The tour included a stop at the train station, where they purchased tickets to Virginia City, departing the next day. Dean stiffened at the idea of sleeping alone again in that cold hotel room. He longed for the isolation of the mountain cabin where Castiel and he were so happy.

At night, when they sat down to dinner, this time in a much more informal restaurant, they would discuss the arrangements for hosting Sam's fiancée. Her family had been very liberal in letting her travel so far only in the company of her fiancé and they intended to honor the trust they had been deserving. They needed to find a way for Jessica to have her own space while she was staying at the Winchester Ranch.

Castiel came up with the most reasonable idea. As during Cassie's visit, the girl would be housed in the room that was currently secretly occupied by Dean and Castiel. Dean would sleep with his brother in the next room.

Dean stared at Castiel for a few moments, knowing it was the best option, even though it wasn’t the most appropriate for their needs. He spoke, trying to appear unconcerned:

"And where will you sleep, Castiel? With the addition of the new cowboys, the lodge is packed. "

"I'll stay at the Braeden's, no problem. I will come every day to my chores and in the evening I will return there. "

Dean felt the ground crumbling beneath his feet. He could not accept of that separation. But it was necessary to keep up appearances:

"Yes, yes ... good idea. The Braeden house really needs a cleaning. I'll have Garth join you. Now, if you will excuse me, I must leave. I have another appointment."

Three pairs of eyes followed him as he walked away. Sam and Castiel looked at each other, wordless questions hovering in the air between them.

*****

Dean came back late. Drunk. He went into his own room and walked straight to the inner door. Fiddling with the lock, he found it locked on the other side. He slid down the wall, the weight of that little gesture being too much for him. Sitting there, he cried silently.

In the other room, sitting in a chair with an open book in his hands, Castiel had waited for him, unable to sleep. Now that he knew Dean was back, he didn’t feel better. The temptation to open the door was huge, but he couldn’t do that.

He leaned back and sighed.

*****

For the sake of a pleasant trip to Jessica, Dean promised himself to do better from now on. He was torn, but he could not ruin his brother's happiness. Trying hard not to show his blinding headache, he chatted animatedly with the two, telling them the news of the ranch and the town.

Jessica had been struck by the fact that Virgina City had practically been destroyed in the fire, and a few months later it was not only fully rebuilt but still larger and bursting with life.

Castiel noticed his exaggerated joy and the forced enthusiasm in the other's actions, but he didn’t say anything, trying to act just like the friend he was supposed to be. The exchanges between the two were formal and kept to a minimum, so as not to arouse suspicion.

*****

As soon as they arrived they were engulfed by the daily chores. There was a lot to catch up on, and it made Jessica acclimatize to that totally unfamiliar routine for her.

Everyone was impressed by the ease with which she seemed to adapt. She rode with ease and accompanied the brothers in various tasks they had to perform. Her face had a healthy color and her hair was even lighter due to the time she spent outdoors. Sam found her more and more beautiful, and their love seemed to grow stronger day by day.

One afternoon she finally said what he had been hoping to hear:

"Sam, why don’t we get married and live at the ranch?"

He kissed her, with tears in his eyes and said that if it was what she really wanted, nothing could make him happier.

*****

They shared the news with Dean at dinner time, when they were all three at the table.

He stood up and hugged Jessica tightly. She was like a sister to him now and he was extremely happy to know that they would always be around. Dean had never been able to ask Sam for that, but since Jessica had decided it, he could rejoice. He only felt that Cas was not there to hear the good news. He had been staying in the neighboring farmhouse for the past few days, solving some problems with the property to the south.

They started making plans for the wedding, which was supposed to happen right there on the ranch. Jessica's parents would come and bring the dress she had already made, to Sam’s surprise and delight. Dean listened to their conversation, happy for the two young people who made plans for their lives.

His own life, however, seemed as empty and cold as it ever been.

*****

Jessica wanted to tell Castiel the news. She could no longer contain her happiness and wanted to share it with the man she had come to regard as a friend. He asked Sam for instructions and left alone for the old Braeden family ranch.

When she arrived, she was met at the door by the dark-haired man. He looked fatigued, but the arrival of the beautiful young woman brought a smile to his lips.

Garth, who was also staying there for a few days, rushed to greet Jessica, who answered him gently.

Castiel invited her to come in and see the house. Never before he had the opportunity to do so. He led her through the rooms, which were now clean and in order. His eyes lit up as he entered the large kitchen, its wide windows catching the morning sun.

"What a cozy house, Castiel!" She exclaimed, using the name Dean always used.

"I'm glad you appreciated it, Jess. Like you, I also fell in love with this land... "

Jessica, excited, added:

"How could I not fall in love with this land where my beloved was born and raised?"

Castiel's eyes flashed for a moment at the statement, which was as true to her as to himself.

Something of the pain that had afflicted him must have showed on his face, for the young woman approached him and touched his arm. He smiled softly at her and pulled the chair up so he would sit at the table and have coffee with him.

Jessica looked at him intensely and suddenly understood what was going on there.

Castiel, like her, was in love with a Winchester.

*****

That discovery made her feel uncomfortable. Not because they were two men, even though that kind of relationship was considered crime and sin. She had an open mind and wouldn't worry about such things. Jessica believed in love. She had seen in that dear face something she didn’t want to see there. How could she say anything without invading his friend's privacy? How could she make him see that she understood and wanted to help?

Castiel lowered his eyes, suddenly aware of the girl's perception. He was sure she knew, that he had not been discreet enough to keep their secret hidden. Or perhaps he longed for a friend that would allow himself to demonstrate what he ought not. He tried to get up, put some space between the two, but a gentle hand on his didn’t allow it. Jessica's eyes conveyed only affection and acceptance. Her face, where a delicate smile surfaced, told him he was safe.

Finally, he leaned forward and allowed himself to be overcome by tears. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and comforted him.


	22. Chapter 22

Another day came to an end. A dark day in a seemingly endless sequence of dark days. Dean felt like he was at the end of his strength. Castiel hadn’t even given him a chance to talk, isolating himself in the other house of their ranch.

Dean saw Jessica arrive at nightfall. She dismounted and came walking, seeming lost in thought. Where would she have gone without Sam? They were always together.

She walked in the kitchen door and came to hug him, as she always did now. It was an easy gesture that showed her affection for his future brother-in-law. Dean felt a little better when she and Sam were around, but it was a passing comfort. In the stillness of the night, though, there was nothing to keep the voices out of his mind. His heart yearned for Castiel's warmth, to hear his voice, receiving his loving gaze again.

But if Cas needed time and space to think, he would have them. Dean could and would wait, whatever the outcome of that story, feeling guilty about all that had happened because of his irrational behavior.

Jessica took an envelope out of her pocket and held it out to Dean with a discreet smile.

"Ah, Castiel sent you this," she said, as if she'd just remembered that. She couldn’t let him know she knew what the other man had told her.

With an unsteady hand he took it and turned it a few times, indecisive. Dean put it in his pocket, as if it were something it could wait until after dinner.

Sam appeared soon after, drawn by the scent emanating from the pots. He met his fiancée and wrapped his arms around her waist in a spontaneous display of affection. Dean felt himself shrink, the longing he felt for Castiel suddenly too great to bear.

He excused himself and left, walking briskly to the stable. He entered Impala's bay, the companion who could give him some comfort, if the news was bad or not at all related to what worried him most.

He leaned back against the animal, his hand pulling the letter from his back pocket. He hesitated before tearing the side.

_"Dean,_

_We need to talk._

_Meet me at the mountain house, tomorrow  morning. "_

_Castiel. "_

The message, written in that concise manner, didn’t  indicate what Castiel was thinking. He could only spend another sleepless night and finally find out what direction his life would take.

*****

After dinner Dean couldn’t  join in on Sam and Jessica's lively conversation about wedding arrangements. He stayed in the room just enough to know that the ceremony would take place right there at the ranch's house within two weeks, which was the time it took for the bride's family to come from Philadelphia. He used exhaustion as an excuse to leave.

The couple watched him slowly climb the stairs and close the door.

Sam looked at Jessica, as if he wanted to share something, but he didn’t know if he should. After all, this was not his story to tell, even if he didn’t keep secrets from her fiancée.

The young woman, however, smiled at him and touched his hand. With a nod, she demonstrated that Sam shouldn’t worry.

Sam, dazed, looked at her intently, his brow furrowed. She said, confidentially:

"Castiel... told me. He needed someone to talk to. He's devastated. "

"But they are apart, they are not speaking... How can they..."

"He sent a letter to your brother. Let's wait and see what will happen. I hope they come to an agreement. "

"Dean ... I don’t know what will happen if they ..." he said, concerned. "He already... suffered so much. I wish he could ... be happy. "

Jessica hugged him, knowing how important the brother was to her future husband. Dean had been his friend, companion, mother and father as he grew up. He had sacrificed himself for him many times, had suffered at his father's hands. Behind the rough facade he was a sensitive person who needed to know that he deserved to be loved.

*****

At dawn Dean got up as usual, but that was an unusual day. He dressed more carefully than he normally did. He looked at himself in the mirror, wishing the dark circles weren't so apparent. He left the room and his brother still asleep.

He walked to the cabinet in the living room where they kept the papers from the ranch, and took out a rectangular package. It was not too big, just a little bigger than a book, wrapped in brown paper. He had been sent from San Francisco and was addressed to Castiel Novak. Undecided, he passed it from one hand to the other. He finally decided to take it with him.

He mounted Impala and set out for the place that had been a refuge and which now represented his last hope.

*****

The horse's step slowed as he approached. The rider's heart was beating, torn between hope and fear. When he saw Castiel's horse tied in front of the house, he stopped completely.

He didn’t know what would happen, but he wanted to keep that image in his memory. The house they had somehow built together among the cedars, the first rays of morning sun seeping through the branches, splattering the mossy roof.

He hurried, deciding to walk the last few paces, as if the gesture itself could give him the strength to face what was to come.

Impala was left next to Balthazar, and Dean found himself in front of the door that separated him from the one who had been able to awaken in him the deepest feeling he had ever known.

Before he could touch the doorknob, the door opened, revealing also the anxiety of the first person that arrived there.

"Hello, Dean," he said and the low tone of his voice was like a caress in the ears of the cowboy.

"Good morning, Cas," he replied, his voice trying to appear firmer than it was at that moment.

Castiel stepped back, pulling the door open to allow the other to enter. The smell of fresh coffee hung in the air, reinforcing the memory in Dean's mind of that house as a place of refuge, a home. He took a deep breath and looked around, his eyes fixed on one detail and another, completely avoiding the man leaning against the closed door.

When he cleared his throat to get Dean's attention and gestured for him to sit, Dean could only look down.

Castiel looked tired as well, the sleepless nights as evident in his face as in Dean’s. He approached the table with a mug, serving Dean the hot beverage. Placing the kettle on the stove, he turned and sat down, finally face to face with Dean.

After a few moments of uneasy silence and hesitation, Castiel began to speak, his mug in his hands, his long fingers enjoying the warmth emanating from it, that spring morning where the icy air still lingered on top of the mountain.

"Dean, I ..." he swallowed, frustrated by his own inability to say what he felt. "... I beg you to forgive me."

"No, Cas, I need your..." Dean interrupted anxiously.

From Castiel's lips, a sad laugh emerged.

"Well, we already know that we feel guilty about what happened ... It's a good start to the conversation."

"How can you say we're both guilty, Cas? You were only the victim of my fear ... I haven’t given you ... not even the chance to explain. "

"I'm guilty, yes, for not making you realize ... that there was no one else in this world for me ... that there was never… no one else in my heart..." Faced with this confession, Dean just wanted to get up and take the other man in his arms, forgetting all the empty days that he had lived apart from him, but knew that there was much to be said before that.

"You made me want to be yours, Dean," he concluded softly, finally raising his blue eyes.

"Cas... I never doubted you. Well, yes... but only because I could never believe that I deserved to be... loved. Much less loved by a man like you. "

"A man like me? What does it mean?"

"You are... everything I am not, Cas."

Shaking his head, Castiel continued, his voice choking:

"Despite what people have made you believe... you are not execrable. You are not sick, you are not a freak... You are a decent, good, generous man who seeks to do good... You are the man I fell in love with. If so, we are both guilty of the same crime. "

Dean couldn’t lift his eyes from the table top. He saw every imperfection there, he noted the scratches, the chips, the wood grain... As he dissected himself to try to discover that person Castiel described, he focused on the small things, as if that could anchor him to the present.

"I... I love you so much, Cas," he whispered, as if in saying that out loud the other man would leave... As if being loved by Dean was an unbearable burden.

Castiel got up from his chair and came to crouch down beside Dean.

"Dean... do you forgive me?" One hand rose to touch Dean’s face.

Dean leaned toward it, letting himself nestle against the warmth he so badly needed. He opened his eyes at last, at the same time a single tear was coming down his face.

"Castiel, do you forgive me?" He murmured, still incredulous that they could find a way through their own insecurities.

Castiel's arms came up, encircling his neck and bringing him Dean closer. Dean finally allowed himself to breathe, as if he had not for a long time. As if Castiel were the very air that allowed him to exist.

The shared tears soon became laughs of relief. They were back where they always should have been.

As if by an inexorable pull, their lips met and lingered like that for a long time.

 


	23. Chapter 23

They couldn’t pinpoint the moment, during the long kiss, when Dean slipped out of the chair and they were both on their knees, face to face, on the floor of the cabin.

They rested their foreheads for a moment, out of breath, their eyes closed.

"Never again, Dean ..." gasped the man whose dark hair was more disheveled than they had ever been.

"Never again, Cas." It had been the only possible answer.

They looked at each other, their souls feeling free at last.

A pull made them stand. A step in the right direction, and they found themselves both naked on the bed in the small room they had built together.

The prolonged absence amplified the desire, and the mouths searched the skin for the familiar taste on lips, necks, chests, thighs, cocks. Hands slid across the length of the sensitive bodies, limbs entwining. Soon one leg was brought up, hooked on one arm and fingers set to work, agilely, preparing the way for the full encounter.

When one came forward and the other received the intrusion with pleasure, their eyes met and for a moment there was neither Cas nor Dean. The universe revolved around them, the place they were and everything else lost its meaning. Together, they plunged toward the climax, a lip caught between teeth, fluttering eyelids, uncontrollable moans.

Then, in the warmth shared, a shiver, a forehead resting quietly on a sweaty chest. Smiles impossible to avoid, gentle whispers, soft murmurs, until sleep overcame them.

*****

The afternoon was already ending when Castiel woke up. Dean was in his arms, his back against Cas’ chest. Contentment was visible in his relaxed attitude. After so many sleepless nights, pleasure-induced sleep was irresistible. He enjoyed the beauty of the man who would share his bed for life if he so wished. Castiel had no plans to let him go, having found him at the end of a very extensive search. He was still surprised how this rustic world had conquered him, but he knew that most of the charm came from the generous cowboy who was with him there.

When Dean moved slowly to find Castiel's mouth, he laughed in pure joy.

"Hello, Cas ..." Dean said, emulating the compliment he always received.

"Good afternoon, Dean. It seems like we missed lunchtime ... "He said as he heard his partner’s stomach complain.

Dean also smiled and remembered something. He got up quickly, wrapped himself on the bedspread and left the room, inciting a protest from the man who had been left exposed on the mattress.

The air coming from outside was warmer now, but even so when Dean came back with something hidden under the quilt, Castiel shivered. Dean sat on the bed, sharing again the covers and handed Cas the brown paper parcel.

Castiel's eyebrows lifted when they saw that the object came from San Francisco, the date of the posting of the beginning of their trip.

"It arrived a few days ago... But I didn’t know how to give it to you... I thought... you wouldn't accept it."

The hands that Dean loved so much were already pulling on the string, eager to know what the mysterious package contained.

With the paper removed, there was a thin wooden casing. Raising his eyes, Castiel smiled.

Inside, a small oil painting contained a view of the sunset over Lake Tahoe, a profusion of warm colors against a dark blue background, reflected in the placid surface of the water. It was a reminder of all the times that they had been at Castiel's favorite place, holding hands, watching the sky at dusk.

With soft eyes, the dark haired man raised his hand to touch Dean’s soft lips, then the face of the one who had given him that beautiful present. He had no words. It was a concrete reminder that they owned that place.

"I thought you'd like to hang it in our bedroom, out on the ranch, over our bed ... to remind ourselves that paradise exists" Dean murmured.

Castiel pulled Dean against him, thanking the affectionate gesture, with kiss after kiss, until they were again involved in each other.

*****

The night came and with it concern for their family. They hadn’t told anyone where they were and, despite their desire to stay until the next day, they had to leave.

They headed toward the house where Castiel had been staying the last few days. They found Garth quite agitated by their absence. Dean knew Sam and Jessica would be no different.

They then sent the ranch hand to the other house to warn everyone that they were well and that they would stay at the former Braeden’s house to solve the problem in which Castiel had been working for the last few days.

Alone again, they couldn’t stop touching each other, as if they needed to feel, every moment, that everything was fine.

*****

When Garth galloped up, Sam took a deep breath.

He went out with Jessica to meet the cowboy, who was coming down from the horse, a reassuring smile on his face.

"They are well. They're going to stay there to sort out the fence issue with Mr. Adler tomorrow. They asked me to come and tell you. "

 As Jessica looked at Sam, Garth moved away, pulling the horse by the reins.

"It's good to see those two happy again," he said, turning to the couple, smiling, then disappearing into the stable.

Sam closed his eyes, wondering why they weren't a little more discreet. Looking at Jessica, he realized what happened. Dean looked at Castiel as Jessica looked at Sam. And for that ... there was no solution.


	24. Chapter 24

Dean and Castiel decided at breakfast that the house that had been of the Braeden family would be offered to Sam and Jessica as housing after their wedding. They agreed that they would buy some furniture and fix whatever was needed, leaving it ready to be inhabited. If that made them stay there for a few more days, so be it. Spending more time together was just what they wanted at that moment.

Castiel also spoke about Garth and his fiancée who lived in California. He thought they could come and live in the small house nearby, to help the newlyweds, if they agreed to their proposal.

Before they went to meet the unkind Mr. Zacariah Adler to talk about a fence which was clearly invading the property that now belonged to the two brothers and Castiel, they took their time to kiss, anticipating the lack of other opportunities that day, until they were just the two of them again.

*****

Jessica's parents arrived and were warmly welcomed. They were a cultured and refined couple, but they hadn’t lost appreciation for simple life and unconditionally approved of their daughter's decision to live there.

They stayed at the Gold Hill Hotel and took Jessica with them, for the last preparations before the ceremony. Sam watched them go, torn between the happiness of the proximity of the wedding and how much he would miss the young woman.

Dean put his arm around his brother’s shoulders as he stood on the porch, his gaze lost in the distance. Dean knew, more than anyone else, what it was like to suffer the absence of a lover.

*****

Pastor Jim Murphy come from Virginia City to officiate the ceremony. Many town friends also came, among them the old friend Bobby Singer, who was as moved as if it were his own son getting married.

Jessica's father walked her to the makeshift altar on the house porch, which was decorated with flowers. Dean was Sam’s best man and Jessica, in the absence of a bridesmaid, requested that Castiel be her best man also.

The ceremony was exciting and after closing, with a passionate kiss of the bride and groom under the eyes of their relatives and friends, the party continued all night with music and dancing.

As the bride and groom left, heading for the house Dean and Castiel had prepared for them, they finally found themselves alone again at the ranch house.

Dean was on the porch, watching the last guests leave when Castiel came to find him.

He noticed when his companion wiped a hand over his face, wiping away a tear. He knew that it was not a display of sadness. He was happy for his brother, who had married the woman he loved.

Castiel took him by the hand, indifferent to anyone who might be watching and pulled him inside. He closed the door and hugged him tight.

*****

Lying in the dark, Dean leaning on Castiel's chest, too tired to sleep, they basked in the warmth of each other. It had been a busy week for everyone. Dean had proposed, despite knowing the difficulty, that they spend a few days in their mountain cabin.

"Dean, it’s not _our_ honeymoon. We have to stay and keep the ranch running. "

"I know, but after our reconciliation we had very little time just for us. This is unacceptable!"

Castiel kissed him. He had to agree with Dean. They needed to spend more time just the two of them.

They were silent, dreaming of their special place, when Castiel remembered something he had to ask his partner:

"Dean, today during the ceremony, a fact occurred to me."

"Yes?"

"When the priest spoke the names of everyone, our full names... Remember when we met? You asked me to call you Dean, but you called me most of the time Novak or Jim. Sourly, if I remember well... "

Dean remembered, embarrassed, how reluctant he had been to demonstrate how much he had begun to appreciate the other man. He gave him a look that urged him to continue:

"When you learned my first name, you started calling me by it. I never understood why..."

Dean, despite all they lived together, blushed. He thought he'd never have to tell anyone about it.

"Well... it's just..." He started, but then got up abruptly and went to the dresser where he kept his most important things. He opened an old wooden box and came back with a small object in his fist.

He leaned back against the headboard and pulled Castiel close to him:

"When I was a boy and my mother was still alive ... I shouldn’t be more than three years old, I guess. She always told me that the angels looked after me. " Opening his hand, he held out an antique medallion with the image of an angel in relief.

Castiel took it between his fingers, examining it closely.

"When I found out that you had the name of an angel... and after what you had done for me, getting my money back, helping Cassie..." he stopped, embarrassed.

Castiel looked up, expectant.

"... it made sense calling you Castiel." he said, shrugging. "You were like a... guardian angel."

Seeing Cas emotional expression, he added:

"Then... you saved me from the fire. You have been protecting me since before we’ve met. With your presence, you have restored my mother's faith, Cas. "

There were no words to answer that. Castiel could only hug him tightly and demonstrate, in gestures, the love he felt for Dean.

 

*****

At times, when he was going to visit his brother, Dean was still surprised by all the changes that had taken place in his life.

And when little Mary came hurrying toward him, her plump little legs still a little wobbly, he couldn’t help but think about how fast time had passed.

Sam and Jessica's daughter was little more than a year old and was a strong, healthy child, like her parents. Her best friend was Theodore, Garth and Bess' son, a boy a little older than Mary, but who had not yet ventured to walk by himself. Dean could see little Teddy leaning on the porch, waiting for his playmate's return, a pout forming in his chubby face.

When Dean entered the house, he had a child on each arm and greeted his sister-in-law smiling. Jessica and Bess were making preserves, and that view pleased him a lot. So many years surrounded by men alone made him have an even greater appreciation for the so called female gifts.

Sam was in Virginia City, like every day, at his law firm. He had a large clientele, being quite reputable. Dean was very proud of his brother.

"Sam told me to come by and leave some documents for him. I'm going fishing with Cas this week, ok? "

Jessica smiled at the word ‘fishing’ but said nothing. She knew how much those two men enjoyed their periodic retreats in the mountain cabin. The situation they lived was not ideal, but there being nothing they could do to remedy it, they got around to it in the best possible way. And they were extremely happy together, even if they had to live their romance outside society norms.

Knowing her brother-in-law's appreciation of good food, she asked him to wait a moment while she filled a basket with bread, some pot roast and a few freshly made preserves, her contribution to their retreat. When she returned, she found Dean rolling with the children on the floor of the large kitchen under Bess's amused gaze.

Dean kissed the little ones, hugged Jessica and waved to Bess, finally going to meet his mate.

*****

Castiel was sitting on the front steps of the little log house, waiting. He'd come up front, since Dean had a few things to do on the ranch before he could go on their little vacation.

When he saw him approaching, he rose and walked toward him.

He stopped beside Impala and smiled at the rider, who slipped directly into his arms. They didn’t waste any time when they were there. Demonstrations of affection were constant and unrestrained. This was the rule they had imposed on themselves and followed it to the letter, happily.

They walked with their arms around each other to the cabin, leaving the basket Jessica had sent them on the table.

"Let's go?" Castiel asked impatiently.

"Just a second." Dean opened the bedroom door and picked up a blanket. "I don’t want to sit on the wet grass again."

Castiel laughed. He always used this excuse, since they had wet their pants by sitting on the ground. He knew that now it was only a reason to lie on the ground, outdoors and kiss, as they watched the sunset.

The path was so well known that they could follow it with their eyes closed. Tied hands and shared smiles were common on that path.

Reaching the blue-eyed man's favorite spot, Dean spread the blanket over the grass and pulled his lover over. They stayed like that for a while, until Castiel sat down. They had come for a reason and they needed to take advantage of it.

With a sigh he turned his eyes to the sky, which was dyed red, pink, orange, yellow, and lilac, while darkness was slowly approaching. Below, the surface of the lake reflected perfectly that spectacle that happened every day. It was a pity they couldn’t watch it that way more often.

Dean sat down too and putting an arm around Castiel's shoulders pulled him closer. Words were absolutely unnecessary in the face of the beauty on the horizon.

They both knew that as long as there was sunrise and sunset, their love would live on.

 


End file.
